Quickies

A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking around the store,
she spies a beef tongue in the butcher's counter. The lady asks, "What in the
world is that?"

"Beef tongue," replies the butcher.

The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, "No way would I put anything in
my mouth that came out of an animal's mouth!"

The butcher nods sympathetically while peeking into the woman's shopping
cart, "I see you're buying a dozen eggs..."

~~~~~~

My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had procrastinated cleaning and
organizing her house for a long time. Since she was planning to entertain, she
felt a lot of pressure to get moving.

That afternoon she phoned, sounding glum.

"I went to the bookstore," she explained. "And I bought a book on how to get
organized. I was all fired up, and I decided to clean out all the shelves in
the living room. While I was cleaning, I found the same darn book. I had
bought it a couple of years ago!"

~~~~~~

A man goes to the police station to talk to the burglar who had broken into
his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant, when he asked
what the man wanted.

"No, no, no!" says the man. "I want to know how he got into the house
without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

~~~~~~

The elementary school teacher was trying impress upon the seventh-grade
history class how Native Americans must have felt when they first encountered the
Spanish explorers.

"How would you feel," said she, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who
looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes?
Wouldn't you be a bit scared?"

"Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date..."

~~~~~~

Captain Hook

A sailor met a pirate, and they started to talk about their adventures at
sea. The sailor noticed that the pirate had a peg leg, a hook, and a eye patch.

The sailor asked, "So, tell me, how did you end up with the peg leg?

The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard
into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg
off."

"Wow!" exclaimed the sailor. "How did you get that hook?"

"Well," replies the pirate, "we boarded an enemy ship and were battling the
other sailors with swords. One of them cut off my hand."

"Incredible!" remarked the sailor. "So, how did you get the eye patch then?"

"A seagull 'dropping' fell into my eye," replies the pirate.

"What?! You lost your eye to a seagull 'dropping'?" the sailor asked in
surprise. "How?"

"Well... says the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."