Humor: The 5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man

The questions are:

What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

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Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

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Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

I suppose so.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by love.
Does it matter?
Who, me?

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Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

Compared to what?
I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I've seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

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Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:

Yes, but you have a better personality
Not prettier, but definitely thinner
Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
Define 'pretty'
Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

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Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

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She....Would you get married again?

He.....Definitely not!

She....Why not - don't you like being married?

He.....Of course I do.

She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?

He.....Okay, I'd get married again.

She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)

He.....Yes, I would.

She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?

He.....Where else would we sleep?

She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.

She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?

He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.

Small jokes: Wife and Husband

WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

Humor: How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage?

LOVE - when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.

LOVE - when intercourse is called making love.
LUST - all other times.
MARRIAGE - what's intercourse?

LOVE - when you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - when you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - when you argue over money.

LOVE - when you share everything you own.
LUST - when you think twice about giving your partner bus money.
MARRIAGE - when the bank owns everything.

LOVE - when it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - when the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - what's a climax?

LOVE - when you phone each other just to say "Gidday".
LUST - when you phone each other just to organize sex.
MARRIAGE - when you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts.

LOVE - when you write poems about your partner.
LUST - when all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - when all you write is cheques.

LOVE - when you show concern for your partners' feelings.
LUST - when you couldn't give a damm.
MARRIAGE - when your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE - when your farewell is "I love you darling ...".
LUST - when your farewell is "So, same time next week?".
MARRIAGE - when your farewell is silent.

LOVE - when you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - when you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
MARRIAGE - when you never see each other awake.

LOVE - when your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST - when your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE - when your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE - when nobody else matters.
LUST - when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE - when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - when it's just the same mushy old thing.
MARRIAGE - when you never listen to music.

LOVE - when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - when staying together is something you try not to think bout.
MARRIAGE - when just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE - when you're interested in everything your partner does.
LUST - when you're only interested in one thing.
MARRIAGE - when you're not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you're interested in is your golf score.

Joke; Adam and his rib

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden , moping. God asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam replied that he was lonely and didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will this 'woman' cost?"

God replied, "That will cost you an arm and a leg."

Adam thought a moment and asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Humour: What is the difference between men and women?

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

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3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

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4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

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5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.

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6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

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7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

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8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

Joke: The man and his parrot

One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot.

He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, ''That parrot repeats everything he hears.''

''That's alright,'' the man replied.

So the man bought the parrot and left the store.

As he was walking down the street, he saw a cop chasing a robber.

The cop hollered to his partner, ''Shoot him down, shoot him down!''

Then the parrot said, ''Shoot him down, shoot him down!''

They kept walking and found a man who was trying to pry his car off the ground with a crowbar because his wheels had been stolen.

The man said, ''Pop it up, pop it up!''

The parrot said, ''Pop it up, pop it up!''

They kept on walking to a carnival. A guy at a gamestand yelled, ''Hit a big one, win a prize!''

The parrot said, ''Hit a big one, win a prize!''

Then they walked into a church and sat down.

The minister was in the middle of the sermon.

He said, ''The Lord is above us.''

The parrot said, ''Shoot him down,shoot him down!''

The minister said, ''The devil is below us.''

The parrot said, ''Pop it up, pop it up.''

Then the minister got angry and threw a bible at the parrot. The parrot ducked and the bible hit a fat lady behind him.

The parrot said,'' Hit a big one, win a prize!''

Joke: What to do in those timeframes where hormones are very active

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other.

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

DANGEROUS: What are you SO worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE . . . . .

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?

SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.

SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.

Adult Joke: Trying to fool the machine into giving an improper analysis

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

Humour: SOME SMART REPLIES between a man and a woman

* HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!

* HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

* HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

* HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

* HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

* HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

* HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

* HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

* HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!

* HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

* HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

* HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.

* HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

* HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

* HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

Humour: The amount of hard work a man can do to make good barbecued meat (with the day off for the lady)

Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

Joke: Sex between an older man and younger woman

An older man was married to a younger woman.

After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack.

The doctor advised him that to prolong his life they should cut out sex.

He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep
in the family room downstairs to save them both from temptation.

One night, after several weeks, he decided that life without sex
wasn't worth living. So he headed upstairs.

He met his wife on the staircase and said, "I was coming up to die."

She laughed and replied, "I was coming down to kill you!"

Weird news: Man dies as bacteria kills flesh faster than doctors

Once in a while you hear of a medical condition that sounds really horrific. The problems with a disease like Ebola where the mortality rate is extremely high was nothing compared to this disease that killed a man even as he was being operated on in the hospital. His flesh was being killed by a bacteria faster than doctors could control the spread the infection, and he died within 4 hours of infection. When you hear of such a case, you normally hope that this does not happen to someone known to you (link to article):

The infection moved through Mr Johnson's body so quickly that doctors could actually see it spreading up from his leg to his abdomen as they operated, an inquest into his death was told. The rare infection occurs in the deeper layers of skin and is typically caused by many types of bacteria entering an open wound, especially after major surgery.

Humour: Ways to ruin a man's life

Do not say what you mean. Ever.

Be ambiguous. Always.

Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.

Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or decades
ago...or with other boyfriends.

Make them apologize for everything.

Stash feminine products in their cars, backpacks and in their books as cute
reminders that you were thinking of them.

Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks.

Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know"... loud. Look at them. Smile.
Say...haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Look them in the eye and start laughing.

Get mad at them for everything.

Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.

Hold grudges.

Demand to be called or e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply.

When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.

Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger
finger, and his affection for his Little Princess.

Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.

Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24-7. Compare and contrast.

Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone.
Independence is a sign of weakness.

Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.

Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the
time you saw each other in the library...for five minutes. Then get mad at
them for forgetting. Then cry.

Fall for your FAC. (I don't know what this is)

Gather many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are
present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.

Correct their grammar.

Describe back-alley abortions. Then remind them of their mother or little
sister.

Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.

Leave out the good parts in stories.

Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make
sure to cause trouble.

Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.

Declare that you are not wacko.

Criticize the way they dress.

Criticize the music they listen to.

Criticize their hair.

Ignore them. When asked, "What's wrong?" tell them that if they don't know,
you're not going to tell them.

Try to change them.

Try to mold them.

Try to get them to dance.

Pretend you're interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted.

When they screw up, never let them forget it.

Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting...just
because.

Blame everything on PMS.

Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them.

Whenever there is silence ask them, "What are you thinking?"

Get mad if they don't notice a haircut. Even if it's only a half inch.

Read into everything..

Over-analyze everything.

Make it your goal to make them cry

Weird news: Man held in Brazil for kissing daughter

It seemed pretty weird when I read the story for the first time. In Brazil, strangers on a beach found a person kissing a young girl, and with all the stories about child molestation, particularly when the skin color of the man and the girl were different, and it was not immediately apparent that the 2 were related. However, as a result of a complaint, the man was put in prison and faces a long jail term if convicted. The mother of the child, the man's wife, denies that anything improper happened, but the man has already spent a week in jail for this charge (link to article):

There is growing controversy in Brazil over the arrest of an Italian tourist held after kissing his eight-year-old daughter in public. Witnesses told police the man allegedly touched the girl in an intimate way. Under a strict new law partly designed to combat child sex abuse in South America's largest country, he faces eight to 15 years in jail if convicted.
However the wife of the arrested tourist says it was all a misunderstanding by witnesses who had misinterpreted seeing a foreign white man with a young darker-skinned girl. She told the Brazilian state news agency if there was any suggestion the claim was true she would not hesitate to take her daughter's side, and recalled that she had been present the whole time.

Weird news: Man charged with unlicensed driving car twice, hits police

When people are charged with a driving offence, they normally obey all the rules and laws, and desist from whatever activity for which they are were charged, since they do not want to suffer further problems (further driving problems could mean points on the license, or problems in getting insurance, and so on). However, once in a while there will be a person who will not care too much about the offence, and is even willing to take offensive action if charged with something (link to article):

A north Queensland man who was allegedly caught driving unlicensed twice in one day and became irate and has been charged with assaulting police. The 19-year-old was given a notice to appear in court for unlicensed driving about 10am (AEST) on Monday, and about 30 minutes later, the same officer saw him allegedly driving the same car, police said.
The officer was questioning the man when he allegedly became aggressive and punched his car's window, smashing it. He then allegedly kicked the side mirror of the police car and punched the police officer. While struggling with the man the officer was allegedly assaulted by a 15-year-old male youth who was in the man's car.

Weird and Foolhardy: Getting mauled by a lion after climbing into its cage

Wild animals are called wild for a certain reason. Their behavior is unpredictable, they can be aggressive if they feel that they or their young ones are threatened, or if their territory is being encroached upon. Further, for many of them, their nature is such that they can be aggressive; but that does not deter people from trying out some crazy and wild stunts. What would you call a person who gets into a lion cage in a zoo and is then saved from serious damage by the keeper of the cage ? Such a person was inviting trouble, and it is only prompt action that saved him (link to article):

A travel writer was lucky to escape with minor injuries after his venture into a lion's den turned ugly. British journalist Charles Starmer Smith visited the South African wildlife park to "play" with one-year-old lion Mapimpan — whose name translates to "little baby".
Finally the handler was able to corner the cat in the pen's corner, allowing the journalist to calmly make his escape. He could be seen bleeding from his leg through his shredded torn pants and required stitches for his relatively minor injuries.

Weird law: Denying your wife food if you don't get sex

In April, there was wide-spread international condemnation when a legislation catering to the Shia sect in Afghanistan was passed. This legislation tilted the gender balance very strongly towards men, something not uncommon in Islamic countries. However, since Afghanistan was a place where troops from many nations were fighting the Taliban, and many of these troops were losing their lives, there was more outrage. How could a country have such a law if the Government of the country was dependent on foreign aid and foreign support. At that time, the President of Afghanistan, Karzai, shook off the criticism by claiming that he had not read the legislation clearly before signing it, and he would take steps to revert. However, seems like nothing really happened after that (link to article):

Afghanistan has enacted a new legislation empowering men of Shia sect of Islam to deny their wives food and sustenance if they refuse to obey their husbands' sexual demands, a media report said on Saturday. The new final draft of the legislation also grants guardianship of children exclusively to their fathers and grandfathers, and requires women to get permission from their husbands to work, The Guardian reported.
According to the report, the new law has been backed by the hardline Shia cleric Ayatollah Mohseni, who is thought to have influence over the voting intentions of some Shias, who make up around 20 per cent of the population. Karzai has assiduously courted such minority leaders in the run up to next Thursday's election, which is likely to be close, a poll indicated.

Given that the President is now contesting for re-election as the President of Afghanistan, and Shia votes will also be important, it is doubtful whether this legislation will be so easily reversed; would be so ironic that a state supported by the West enshrines a massive gender bias.

Humour: HOW TO MAKE LOVE LIKE A MAN

1. While flipping through channels, catch a glimpse of men's underwear ad. Feel instant and overwhelming desire for sex.

2. Find partner. Begin undressing self and partner.

3. Wait a minute: What's going on? Partner is kissing you not on nipples but on lips. Guiding your hand away from lower regions and toward shoulder. Oh, right, now you remember. Foreplay.

4. Kiss and touch, kiss and touch. This is making you feel incredibly hot, while it seems your partner is still just warming up to room temperature.

5. Attempt to find "magic button" that will make your partner as turned on as you are. After much groping, finally think you locate it. Rub it. Rub it hard. Stop only when you notice partner's attention has drifted back to TV.

6. Offer to give oral sex, your third most favorite sexual activity. There is a chance that this may lead to receiving oral sex, your first most favorite sexual activity.

7. Spend 23 minutes on the giving end. When your partner finally seems enthusiastic enough to want to reciprocate, find that you're forced to stop after two minutes for fear of the entire encounter ending right there.

8. Almost "forget" birth control.

9. Now it's time for your second most favorite sexual activity. Okay, it's in. Thirty seconds later, attempt to train your mind on the antiorgasmic image of the boy who peed on the school bus in third grade. Then, despite your best efforts, your mind returns to Matt Damon, and the school bus turns into a huge, rocking iron bed.

10. Your partner seems excited now. Very excited. Is partner having an orgasm? You can't quite tell. But who really cares, at least at the moment. Your body is being tossed skyward as if by a volcano and that howl of joy just might be coming from your own mouth.

11. Check surroundings. Yes, good, you're still in the same room.

12. Grasp partner's hand and say how great the sex was.

Man in US jailed 83 days for missing jury duty

The United States has a system of justice that depends on jury trials for a large number of cases, based on the belief that a citizen should be judged by a jury constituted of 12 of their fellow citizens, and it is these citizens who can be depended upon to deliver a judgment. A condition of that is that every citizen can be called for jury duty, and it is only those who can show some sort of valid reason who are excluded from being on the jury. However, it was shocking when it was found that a person was jailed for 83 days for avoiding jury duty (link to article):

A man arrested for allegedly failing to appear for jury duty was released on Saturday after spending 83 days in jail, a length of detention that a judge called "unacceptable." Douglas Maupin was released a day after The Dallas Morning News brought his plight to the attention of a Collin County judge.
All American citizens and permanent residents are required to report for jury duty from time to time to supply potential jurors for court cases. District Judge Chris Oldner said he was unaware of Maupin's detention until Friday, even though the case was assigned to his court. The judge who signed the original 2003 warrant had retired, and officials said the case was assigned to the court of his replacement but the offense didn't fall under that court's responsibility.

This is part of the blind nature of the legal system. Maupin was caught as part of an earlier warrant issues in 2003 and when caught for speeding, this warrant showed up and he was jailed; further, he could not afford the bail amount.

Adult Joke: FETISH

A young man is being pursued by a young admiring woman. Eventually,he has no choice but to grant her a private audience.

Relentlessly she asks him for a quickie in the sack though he
tried hard to refuse her. Finally giving in to her demands for carnal
knowledge, he says "Ok, but there is one condition: I have a particular
fetish that you must perform in order to sleep with me."

"I'll do anything for you" replies the succubus. "Just name it."

So the man says to the woman, "You know ... I really enjoy it when
there's a sort of lightning effect. So you must reach over to that
switch on the wall and flick it on and off every few seconds."

The woman agrees and starts flicking the light switch off with her left arm. She then asks "Now can I fuck you?"

"Not quite yet" replies the man. "Lightning is nice, but it
doesn't really mean much without thunder. So with your right leg, I
want you to open and close the cabinet door whenever you flick the
light on."

"Ok" says the horny young maid, and she begins to coordinate her
flicks and clacks. "Now can I fuck you?" she asks as she is switching
between arm and leg movements.

"Not quite yet" replies the man. "This is all very nice, but there
can't really be thunder and lightning without wind. I'd like you to
reach behind your head with your right hand and open and shut the
windows."

She says "Ok" and begins opening the shutter and closing it with
her right hand. And of course, it's raining and some drops are coming
in the window.

So there she is, making lightning with her left hand, creating
thunder with her right leg, and using her right hand to make wind and
rain. Desperate and beyond understanding of his fetish, the young woman
finally begs him "NOW can we fuck? PLEASE?!"

And the young man looks at her shocked and says, "What do you mean 'have sex'? In this weather?"