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Sunday, January 25, 2009

More Murphy's Laws

1. •If anything can go wrong, it will !
Corollary: It can !
Corollary: It should !
Corollary: At the most inopportune time !
Corollary : And it will be all your fault,
and everyone will know it.
2. •If there is a possibility of several
things going wrong, the one that will cause
the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Extreme version 1:
If there is a possibility of several things
going wrong, the one that will cause the most
damage will be the FIRST to go wrong.
Extreme version 2:
•If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
3 •If you perceive that there are four possible ways
in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these,
then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth
fault, without breaking the fix on one or
more of the others.
Corollary 1:
•Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse !
•If everything seems to be going well, you have
obviously overlooked something
•Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Corollary 2: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.
Corollary 3:
•Mother nature is a master player and planner !
Addendum: and not an obedient one at that.
Addendum :
•Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics.
Things get worse under pressure.
4 •The Murphy Philosophy:
Smile... tomorrow will be worse.
5 •Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws:
Everything goes wrong all at once.
6 •Murphy's Constant:
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion
to its value.
7 •Murphy's Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.
•Research supports a specific theory depending
on the amount of funds dedicated to it.
•Addition to Murphy's Laws:
In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore,
if everything is going right... something is wrong.
•Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
•It is impossible to make anything foolproof
because fools are so ingenious.
•Left to themselves,
things tend to go from bad to worse.
8 •Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the
solution of a problem,
it always helps if you know the answer.
Corollary: Provided, of course,
that you know there is a problem.
9 •Nothing is as easy as it looks.
10 •Everything takes longer than you think.

11 •Everything takes longer than it takes.
12 •If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
13 •Whenever you set out to do something,
something else must be done first.
14 •Every solution breeds new problems.
15 •The legibility of a copy is inversely
proportional to its importance.
16 •No matter how perfect things are made to appear,
Murphy's law will take effect and screw it up !
17 •You cannot successfully determine beforehand which
side of the bread to butter.
18 •The chance of the bread falling with the
buttered side down is directly proportional
to the cost of the carpet.
19 •More Laws of Selective Gravitation:
•A falling object will always land where it
can do the most damage.
20 •A shatterproof object will always fall on the
only surface hard enough to crack or break it.

21 •A paint drip will always find the hole in the
newspaper and land on the carpet underneath
(and will not be discovered until it has dried).
22 •A dropped power tool will always land on the
concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors)
or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running,
in which case it will fall on something it can
damage (like your foot).
23 •If a dish is dropped while removing it from the
cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish
and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
24 •A valuable dropped item will always fall into an
inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain,
for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it
is running.
25 •If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while
standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from
your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a
way as to bend the ladder before
it knocks you to the ground.
26 •If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete
and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot,
it will hit a tree limb and come down right
on the driver's side of your car windshield.
27 •More Laws of Selective Gravitation:
•The greater the value of the rug, the greater
the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
28 •You will always find something in the
last place you look.
29 •If yo are looking for more than one thing,
you'll find the most important one last.
30 •It is never in the last place you look. It is
in the first place you look, but never discovered
on the first attempt.

31 •After you bought a replacement for something
you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll
find the original.
•You have to look where you lost it.
32 •No matter how long or how hard you shop for
an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale
somewhere cheaper.
33 •The other line always moves faster.
34 •In order to get a personal loan, you must
first prove you don't need it.
35 •Anything you try to fix will take longer
and cost you more than you thought.
36 •If you fool around with a thing for very
long you will screw it up.
37 •If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it
needed replacing anyway.
38 •When a broken appliance is demonstrated for
the repairman, it will work perfectly.
39 •Build a system that even a fool can use,
and only a fool will use it.
40 •Everyone has a scheme for getting
rich that will not work.

41 •In any hierarchy, each individual rises to
his own level of incompetence,
and then remains there.
42 •There's never time to do it right,
but there's always time to do it over.
43 •When in doubt, mumble.
When in trouble, delegate.
44 •Anything good in life is either illegal,
immoral or fattening.
45 •Murphy's golden rule:
whoever has the gold makes the rules.
46 •A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
47 •In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
48 •Never argue with a fool,
people might not know the difference !!!
49 •Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
50 •No good deed goes unpunished.

51 •Where patience fails, force prevails !
52 ."Anything dropped in the bathroom
will fall in the toilet.
53 •Indetermination principle applied to ill luck:
The better you know the amount of ill luck
that will strike you, the worse you know when
this will happen, and vice-versa.
54 .And Relativistic correction of Murphy's law:
Whether things can go wrong or not,
it depends on your frame of reference.
Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):
Regardless of your frame of reference,
things will go wrong anyway.
55 •If you want something bad enough,
chances are you won't get it.
56 •If you think you are doing the right thing,
chances are it will back-fire in your face.
57 •When waiting for traffic, chances are that
when one lane clears the other is congested.
58 •Just when you think things cannot
get any worse, they will !
58 •Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect;
Whatever you do will always come back.
59 •If you re-act to actions,
you've acted on actions.
60 •He who angers you controls you,
there-fore you have no control over your anger.

61 •Any time you put an item in a "safe place",
it will never be seen again.
62 •Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.
63 •The worst golf shots always occur when playing with
someone you are trying to impress.
64 •No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
(getting everyone in the family to the car at the same
time for example).
65 •You will never leave a parking space without
someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time.
66 •The cost of the hairdo is directly related to the
strength of the wind.
67 •Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements
are never forgotten.
68 •The clothes washer/ dryer will only eat one of
each pair of socks.
69 •When you see light at the end of the tunnel,
the tunnel will cave in.
Or in another version:
The light at the end of the tunnel is a train.
70 •Being dead right, won't make you any less dead....
and having the right of way,
won't make you any less dead.

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