Humour: What a men expects, and what he gets

WHAT A MAN EXPECTS

~ She will always be beautiful and cheerful.
~ She could marry a movie star, but wants only you.
~ She will have hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.
~ Her beauty won't run in a rainstorm.
~ She will never be sick--just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.
~ She will insist that moving the furniture by
herself, it's good for her figure.
~ She will be an expert in cooking, cleaning
house, fixing the car or TV, painting the house, and keeping quiet.
~ Her favorite hobbies will be mowing the lawn and putting out the bins.
~ She will hate charge cards.
~ Her favorite expression will be,"What can I do for you, honey?"
~ She will think you have Einstein's brain but look like Mr. Universe.
~ She will wish you would go out with the boys so
that she could get some sewing done.
~ She will love you because you're so sexy.

WHAT HE USUALLY GETS

~ She speaks 140 words a minute, with gusts up to 180.
~ She was once a model for a totem pole.
~ Where there's smoke, there she is -- cooking.
~ She's a light eater...once it gets light, she starts eating.
~ She lets you know you only have two faults:
everything you do, and everything you say.
~ No matter what she does with it, her hair looks
like an explosion in a steel wool factory.
~ If you get lost, open your wallet and she'll find you