Humour: The language used by a woman, and why it does not make sense

"Yes" = No

"No" = Yes

"Maybe" = No

"I'm sorry." = you'll be sorry.

" We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = the correct decision should be obvious by now.

" Do what you want" = you'll pay for this later.

" We need to talk" = I need to complain

"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to.

" I'm not upset" = of course I'm upset, you moron!

" You're ... so manly" = you need a shave and you sweat a lot.

" You're certainly attentive tonight" = is sex all you ever think about?

" Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs.

" This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.

" I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

" Hang the picture there" = NO, I mean hang it there!

" I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep.

" Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

" How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like.

" I'll be ready in a minute." = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

" Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.

" You have to learn to communicate." = Just agree with me.

" Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead.]

" Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.