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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Joke: What happens when mom has the flu

Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by her well-meaning husband.

Monday A.M.
Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control. Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned. Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six.

Tuesday A.M.
Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the refrigerator. Hope you got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the Coke I put in their Thermoses? The school might call you on this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your door-to-door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope you like leftover chili.

Wednesday A.M.
Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister? If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot to look for Chris' missing shoes? We've checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and wood box. Did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? There's some cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer. Will be late tonight. Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking house.

Thursday A.M.
Doris: Don't panic over the water in hallway. It crested last night at 9 P.M. Will finish laundry tonight. Please pencil in answers to the following:
1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal?
2. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots?
3. How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy's hand?
4. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you open the door?
I don't know what you're having for lunch. Surprise me!

Friday A.M.
Hey: Don't drink from the pitcher by the sink. Am trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white. Take heart. Tonight, the ironing will be done, the house cleaned and dinner on time. I called your mother.

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