Humour: WARNING SIGNS OF INSANITY

~ You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.

~ You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations.

~ Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.

~ You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.

~ You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.

~ You collect dead windowsill flies.

~ Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"

~ You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued.

~ You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.

~ Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards.

~ You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.

~ Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.

~ Melba toast excites you.

~ When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears."

~ You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.

~ You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for a few minutes.

~ Your main goal in life is to become the president of Bulemia.

~ Nearly everything you say involves the word, "P-toing!"

~ You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.

~ You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.

~ You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it.

~ People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.