Humour: TUBE ANNOUNCEMENTS

"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to
get on the second carriage, what part of 'stand clear
of the doors' don't you understand?"

At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon):
"Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let
the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers
off the train first. Let the passengers off the train FIRST!
Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I
care, I'm going home."

"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering
from elbow and backside syndrome, not knowing one from the other.
I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."

"Please mind the closing doors..." The doors close...The doors reopen.
"Passengers are reminded that the big red slidey things on the side
of the train are called the doors. Let's try it again, shall we? Please
stand clear of the doors." The doors close... "Thank you."

"I am sorry about the delay, apparently some nutter has just wandered
into the tunnel at Euston. We don't know when we'll be moving again, but
these people tend to come out pretty quickly...usually in bits."

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. This train is for Brixton. The time
is almost upon us for the doors to close and for us to discover if the
person next to us is wearing deodorant."