THE BEST OF FINANCIAL MELTDOWN JOKES

1. How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday

2. What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start

3. Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"

4. Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. Says: 'I don't want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other...

5. What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons?
The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's

6. What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four

7. What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common?
They both have frozen assets

8. Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - goodbye.

9. What is a banker's favourite chocolate bar? A credit crunchie!

10. For Geography students Only: What's the capital of Iceland?
Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty...

11. Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

and finally the Best

12. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, and then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan.