Joke: Using an alternate fuel for the car

Dr. Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of petrol.

As luck would have it, a petrol station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a petrol can and buy some petrol.

The attendant told her that the only petrol can he owned had been taken by somebody, but she could wait until it was returned.

Since the Doctor was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in the car that she could fill with petrol and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.

Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with petrol, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the petrol into her tank, two men watched from across
the street.

One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm converting my car too."

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Why does the brake smell ?

A young girl (18ish) walks into a prestige car sales room. Looks around at all the Porsches, Lamborghini's, Jags etc., and says to the salesman "can I have the red one?" - a top of the range Porsche. " I'll pay cash!" and starts taking handfuls of tenners out of a carrier bag until she gets to the right price.

The deal is finalized very quickly and the girl drives it away. She is back 2 days later - "I want my money back...it smell awfully bad when I use the brakes" she states emphatically. Not wanting to lose the sale (having taken cash and fiddled the books) the manager decides to ride in the car with her 'in case she is not
driving it properly'

He gets in and she roars out of the dealership, drops it into second gear at 55 mph, floors the pedal again and slips into 3rd at 80 mph does a handbrake turn into a country lane and then really starts to accelerate.

120 mph into 4th gear; 5th at 145 mph. The engine is screaming, trying to leap out of the bonnet when it reaches 170 mph. The scenery is a green blur the G-force has him pinned in the seat. In the distance, to his relief, the barriers of a level crossing are beginning to come down and she will have to slow down (he thinks!) instead the
pitch of the engine increases.

100 yards from the crossing she slams on the brakes and the car stops inches from the barrier. "Can you smell it?" she says.

"SMELL IT? I'M SITTING IN IT!"