Humour: Jokes from the bar - Part 1

A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, Bartender, two beers please. One for me, and one for the road."

An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do I come here often?"

A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel fastened to his fly. The bartender points and says, "Hey! You have a steering wheel stuck on your fly!" And the pirate says: "Arrrgh. And it's driving me nuts!"

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A young Texan walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Got any ID?" asks the bartender. The Texan replies, "About what?"

A guy walks into a bar wearing nothing but a set of jumper cables. He says, "Bartender, give me a beer." The bartender says, "You can a beer, but I don't want you starting anything!"

A Latin scholar walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a martinus."The bartender asks him. "Don't you mean martini?" The man tells the bartender, "Listen, if I wanted two or more drinks I would have asked for them."

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "So, why the long face?"

A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Has my father been in here?" The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"

A brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer, please." The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're out of your head."

A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here. "The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, you won't get many more.

"A termite walks into a bar and asks , "Is the bartender here?"

A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

A three-legged dog walks into a bar. He sidles up to the bar and announces, "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."