Recipe: Cotriade (French traditional stew)

Makes 4 servings
Time: 1 hour

A traditional stew of northern France.

½ C minced bacon
1 large onions, roughly chopped
About 1 lb baking potatoes, peeled & cut into small chunks
Salt & freshly ground black pepper to taste
1 t fresh thyme leaves or ½ t dried thyme
6 C fish or chicken stock, preferably warmed
About 2 lbs fillets or steaks of white fish, cut into chunks
Juice of 1 lemon
Minced fresh parsley leaves for garnish

Place the bacon in a large, deep saucepan or casserole and turn the heat to medium-high. Cook, stirring, until it is crisp, about 10 minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon and set aside.
Turn the heat to medium and cook the onions in the bacon fat, stirring, until softened, about 5 minutes. Add the potatoes and cook, stirring occasionally, until they are well mixed with the onions and covered with fat. Season with salt, pepper, and thyme; stir, then add the stock.
Cook over medium heat until the potatoes are just tender, about 15 minutes.
Add the fish and cook another 5 to 10 minutes, until the fish is opaque and tender but not falling apart. Add the lemon juice, ladle into bowls, garnish, and serve.

Recipe: Twice-Cooked Chicken Stock

Makes about 3 quarts
Time: about 1 hour

This makes a delicious stock, and gives you perfectly cooked chicken to add to any of the following chicken soups.

3 quarts any chicken stock
1 small chicken or 2 or 3 lbs chicken parts, skin and all visible fat removed, rinsed and patted dry with paper towels
1 carrot, peeled and cut into chunks
1 clove garlic, peeled (optional)
Several sprigs fresh parsley or dill
Salt & freshly ground black pepper to taste

Combine all ingredients except salt and pepper in a large, deep saucepan or casserole and turn the heat to medium-high. Bring just about to a boil, then turn the heat to medium-low and partially cover; adjust the heat so the mixture sends up a few bubbles at a time.
Chicken parts will be done in 30 to 40 minutes, whole chicken in 45 to 60 minutes. Strain the stock. Remove the meat from the bones and either return it to the stock or reserve for another use. Season the stock with salt and pepper and use immediately, refrigerate for 4 to 5 days (longer if you boil it every third day), or freeze.

Recipe: Egg-Lemon Soup

Makes 4 servings
Time: about 30 minutes

A Greek standard with plenty of rice and chicken---more of a stew than a soup.

6 C chicken stock
½ C long-grain rice or orzo
1 carrot, peeled & cut into thin slices
1 celery stalk, minced
Salt & freshly ground black pepper to taste
2 C shredded or chopped cooked boneless skinless chicken
2 eggs
3 T freshly squeezed lemon juice, plus more if desired
Minced fresh dill or parsley leaves for garnish

Place the stock in a large saucepan and turn the heat to medium-high. When it is just about boiling, turn the heat down to medium so that it just bubbles. Stir in the rice, carrot, and celery and cook, stirring occasionally, until they are all tender, about 20 minutes. Season with salt and pepper and add the chicken. Turn the heat to low.
Place the eggs in a blender and whir for 10 seconds; add the lemon juice and blend briefly. With the motor running, drizzle in about 2 cups of the hot soup. Pour this mixture back into the soup, stirring, and cook briefly, until the soup is slightly thickened, just a couple of minutes; do not boil. Taste and adjust seasoning (you may add more lemon juice if you like). Garnish and serve.

Recipe: Chicken Soup with Rice or Noodles

Makes 4 servings
Time: 30 minutes

This is a thin chicken soup with the rice, meat, and vegetables acting as a garnish rather than a major player; see the variation if you want something more substantial. Use orzo or other tiny pasta, angel hair or other thin noodles, ribbons or other egg noodles, or other cooked grains in place of the rice.

5 to 6 C chicken stock
½ C long-grain rice or pasta
1 celery stalk, minced (optional)
1 C raw or cooked chopped boneless skinless chicken, or more
Salt & freshly ground black pepper to taste
Minced fresh parsley or dill leaves for garnish

Place the stock in a large, deep saucepan or casserole and turn the heat to medium-high. When it is just about boiling, turn the heat down to medium so that it bubbles but not too vigorously. Stir in the rice, carrot, and celery and cook, stirring occasionally, until they are all tender, about 20 minutes.
Stir in the chicken. If it is raw, cook another 5 to 8 minutes, until it is cooked. If it is cooked, cook 2 or 3 minutes, or until it is hot. Season with salt and pepper, garnish, and serve.

Recipe: Chicken Soup with Butter Dumplings

Makes 4 servings
Time: 20 minutes

Serve in any chicken soup.

6 C chicken stock
4 T (1/2 stick) butter, softened
2 eggs
½ C flour
¼ C minced fresh parsley leaves
¼ C minced or grated onion
Salt & freshly ground black pepper to taste

Heat the stock in a large pot. Cream the butter in a bowl with the black of a fork, then beat in the eggs. Stir in the flour, parsley, onion, salt, and pepper, blending well. Add heated stock 1 T at a time, just until the batter is soft; do not make it too loose or the dumplings will fall apart.
Drop the batter by the scant teaspoonful into the simmering broth. Cook until set and cooked through, about 10 minutes, removing the dumplings as they are done. Serve immediately in the soup.

Adult Joke: Making love to a girl in the back seat of a car

A guy on a date parks and gets the girl in the back seat and they make love.

The girl wants it again and the guy obliges her. She wants more and
they do it again. She still wants more and the guy, by now exhausted, says:

"Excuse me a minute I have to relive myself."

While out of the car he notices a guy a half block away changing a
flat. He goes up to the guy and says;

"Look, I've got this gal in my car and I've given it to her four or
five times and she still wants more. I'll change your flat if you'll
take over for me."

The guy agrees. He jumps into the back of the car and starts to go at
it with the woman.

He's just getting to the gravy strokes when a cop knocks on the
window and shines a light on them.

The cop asks, "What're you doing in there?"

The guy says "I'm making love to my wife."

The cop asks, "Why don't you do that at home?"

The guy answers "To tell you the truth, I didn't know it was my wife
until you shined the light on her.

Humour: Things you should probably not say at a wake

* So, what are you gonna do with his golf clubs?

* Who do I talk to about his bar tab?

* Of course you'll miss him, he didn't molest you.

* How long you think until he starts to stink?

* Wow! Other than his wife, is there anyone in this room he didn't bang?

* Say what you will, Madame Toussot does nice work.

* It's weird not seeing him drunk.

* I always thought he was gay.

* Isn't that suit gonna be a little warm for Hell?

* So now that you're a widow, what do you do? Masturbate?

* I was there when he died. Man, what a baby.