Jokes

1. Tired of being asked why she never married an elderly spinster concocted a response that usually shut people up.

"I have a fireplace that smokes, a washing machine that won't work, a cat that stays out all night, a dog that barks at me, and a kitchen sink that smells bad. Why do I need a husband?"


2. Two college co-eds were having a beer. One said to the other, "Mandy was so excited when she found out she was pregnant. She called me late one night after my boyfriend and I had already gone to bed."

What on earth did she want?" her friend asked.

"Oh... she just said, "I can't believe I have a person inside me !"

I said, "So do I. Could I call ya back in an hour or so?"



3. A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mother." The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk. "How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd pay for her things, too."


4. A cowboy and his wife had just gotten married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The man approached the Front Desk and asked for a room.

He said, "This heerza special 'casion -- our honeymoon -- and we need a nice room with a good strong bed."

The clerk winked -- "You want the 'Bridal'?"

The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then replied, "Nope, reckon not. Guess I'll jist hold on to her ears til she gits used to it."



5. A young woman was pulled over in Rupert, Idaho for speeding. As the Minidoka County Police Officer walked to her car window, flipping Open His ticket book.

She said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Minidoka County Troopers Ball."

He replied, "Minidoka County Troopers don't Have Balls."

There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his Patrol car and left.

She was laughing too hard to start her car.