Joke: Jumping from a cliff

Long time ago, a man and a woman were madly in love.

They wanted to marry, but parents didn’t approve.

So they decided to suicide together, and planned to jump from a mountain.

The man could not bear to see his Sweet Heart Fall, so he convinced her that he will jump first, and he jumped.
But the girl never jumped.

Thereafter all men decided to say…..
“LADIES FIRST"

Recipe: Kale Soup with Soy & Lime

The quantities in this recipe makes 4 servings

Time: This recipe takes about 20 minutes

An Asian-spiced soup that is fast and really delicious.

2 Tablespoon peanut oil

1 Cup minced onion

2 Tablespoon minced garlic

4 Cups chicken, beef, or vegetable stock, or water, preferably warmed

1 T soy sauce

Salt to taste

About 3 Cups roughly chopped kale leaves (stripped from the stalks & well rinsed)

Minced cilantro leaves for garnish

1 fresh jalapeno chili, stemmed and mined (optional)

1 lime, cut into eighths

1. Place the oil in a large, deep saucepan and turn the heat to medium-high.   Add the onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until it begins to brown, 5 to 8 minutes.
2. When the onion is tender and golden, add the garlic.  Cook 1 minute, and then add the stock or water.  Bring to a boil, turn the heat to low, add the soy sauce, and taste for salt; add some if necessary.

Add the kale to the simmering broth and cook until it is nice and tender, about 10 minutes.   (You may prepare the soup in advance up to this point.  Cover refrigerate for up to 2 days, and reheat before proceeding.)  Correct the seasoning (you may prefer to add more soy sauce rather than more salt), garnish, and serve, passing the minced jalapeno and pieces of lime at the table. 

Joke: Who pays for everything ?

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight.


While en-route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.

The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act.

For $100, the cab driver agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and the cab driver tip-toe into the bedroom.

The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back, and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the man's head.

The wife shouts, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.

HE paid for the Mecedes I gave you.

HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.

HE paid for your football season tickets.

HE paid for our house on that rich hill

HE paid for our golf club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!"

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.

He looks over at the cab driver and says "What would you do?"

The cab driver replies, "I'd cover him quickly  with that blanket before he catches cold!!" 

Joke: What about the wife left behind ...

A golfer accidentally overturned his cart.

Elizabeth, a "beautiful" real golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course heard the noise and yelled over to him.

"Hey, are you okay, what's your name?"
"Dan," he replied.

"Dan forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest up and I'll help you get the cart up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Dan answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Aw come on," Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty and persuasive.

"Well okay," Dan finally agreed, And added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a hearty drink AND sexy driving and putting lessons, Dan thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" Elizabeth said with a smile , she wont know anything. By the way, where is she?"

Dan Replied, .................."Under the cart!"

Humour: IT'S TIME TO DIET AND EXERCISE WHEN...

...you try to do a few pushups and discover that certain body parts refuse to leave the floor.

...your children look through your wedding album and want to know who Daddy's first wife was.

...you get winded just saying the words "six-kilometer run."

...you come to the conclusion that, if God really wanted you to touch your toes each morning, He would have put them somewhere around your knees.

...you analyze your body honestly and decide what you should develop first is your sense of humor.

...you step on a talking scale and it says, "Come back when you're alone."

...to you, "Itsy-Bitsy Teenie-Weenie Yellow Polka dot Bikini" and "The Impossible Dream" become the same song.

...you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but not while you're wearing a bathing suit.

Joke: Moral of the story

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Sarah, said the teacher. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.

Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.

Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.

And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher.

"What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

Humour: LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER......

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age
And if you had a 3-1/2 floppy
You hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while!
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens, they wish they were dead!