Joke: Becoming smarter quickly

A customer at Morris' Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Morris, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Morris replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $4 apiece," says Morris.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough," says Morris.

The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Morris," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. ...You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already!"

Joke: One really hard question

The admissions interviewer at the school said, "I shall ask you either ten
easy questions or just one really difficult question. Think well before you
make up your mind!"

The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is one really difficult
question."

"Well, good luck to you. You have made your own choice! Now tell me this:
What comes first, day or night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depended on the correctness
of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the day, sir!"

"How did you determine that?" the interviewer asked.

"Sorry, sir. You promised me that you would ask me only one difficult
question!"

Signs You're Not Mensa Material

You couldn't figure out how to break the seal on your standardized intelligence test, so you had to give up.

You wonder how the deer know to cross at the deer crossing signs.

You are confused by the plot twists of a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

You once tried to solve a Rubik's cube and had to be institutionalized for over a year.

You had trouble getting in even before they saw the decimal point in your IQ.

You are still struggling to finish "Shoe Laces for Dummies."

Your family had a celebration when you scored a "perfect 10" points on your SAT.

You don't watch PBS because there are no Budweiser or Taco Bell commercials.

Homer Simpson is your idol.

That "which comes first" thing about chicken and eggs just makes you hungry.

Johnny and his correct answers

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students

The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"

Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Brooks had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave.

She agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3x 3?"
Johnny: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnny: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third- grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third-grade."

Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"

The principal and Johnny both agree.

Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Johnny, after a moment "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

Johnny: "Pockets."

Ms Brooks: What starts with a C and ends with a T is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Johnny: Coconut

Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, But Johnny was taking charge.

Johnny: Bubblegum

Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...

Johnny: Shake hands.

Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?

Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Johnny: Tent.

Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.

Johnny: Wedding Ring.

Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me you feel good.
Johnny: Nose.

Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Johnny: Arrow.

Ms Brooks: What word starts with 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Johnny: Fire truck.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send Johnny to University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself