Humour - Science Exam Answers

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to
flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?

(e.g., abdomen.)

A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I,
O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?

A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"

A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight!

Humour - Science from the Eyes of 5th and 6th Graders

The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and
you sit on the bottom.

A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water and then forcing it
through an aviator.

The inhabitants of Moscow are Mosquitoes.

It is so hot in some places that people there have to live in other places.

Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places which is why they look like umbrellas.

The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun but I never have
been able to make out the numbers.

In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting.
When people do it, we say they are crazy.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the victim is dead.

Blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top
and plural at the bottom.

Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you
should.

Water vapor gets together in a big cloud. When it gets big enough to be
called a drop, it does.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because
so many people are stomping around there these days.

The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed
for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you
don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

Theory: Is the universe really existant, or is it a hologram

Science delves on cold facts, theories, experiments, and explanations that cover all these. But sometimes, there are theories that are difficult to accept, although there are experiments that are equally difficult to understand. What do you make of an experiment that proves that under certain conditions, particles such as electrons are able to communicate with each other even though they are far away from each other; so, even though Einstein's theory says that nothing can move faster than the speed of light, this experiment seems to suggest that particles can communicate with each other instantly, much faster than light. One theory takes from this approach, and suggests that the universe in fact is just a hologram (link to site):

University of London physicist David Bohm, for example, believes Aspect's findings imply that objective reality does not exist, that despite its apparent solidity the universe is at heart a phantasm, a gigantic and splendidly detailed hologram.
To understand why Bohm makes this startling assertion, one must first understand a little about holograms. A hologram is a three- dimensional photograph made with the aid of a laser. To make a hologram, the object to be photographed is first bathed in the light of a laser beam. Then a second laser beam is bounced off the reflected light of the first and the resulting interference pattern (the area where the two laser beams commingle) is captured on film. When the film is developed, it looks like a meaningless swirl of light and dark lines. But as soon as the developed film is illuminated by another laser beam, a three-dimensional image of the original object appears.

Book: Forward the Foundation by Isaac Asimov (1993)

Isaac Asimov wrote a huge amount of science fiction over the years, and is known for many of his books such as the Empire Series, and most famously for the Foundation Series. The 3 main Foundation books were the 'Foundation', 'Foundation and Empire', and 'Second Foundation'. It was later, in order to try and fill more details, that Asimov wrote more books for the Foundation, that include books that were both prequels and sequels. The last such book that he wrote was called 'Forward the Foundation', and was released in 1993, a year after Asimov died. Forward the Foundation was a sequel to 'Prelude to Foundation', carrying on with the story of Seldon's search for how to develop the story of psycho-history.



Read more at the following location (link)

Book: Pale Blue Dot by Carl Sagan (1994)

The complete name of the book is called "Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space" and it was another non-fiction book released by Carl Sagan (the famous astronomer and scientist) who wrote a series of books on science and space, and is most famous for his works, Cosmos and Contact. The name of the book is based on a photograph taken by the space explorer spacecraft, Voyager 1. Carl Sagan had pushed for the spacecraft to take a photograph when it was at a huge distance from the earth, a distance of 3.7 billion miles. In this photograph, the Earth seems nothing more than a Pale Blue Dot in the midst of empty space, and this is all that mankind has got.
Carl Sagan also described this photo in a speech he was giving, with these starting words: "Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."



The book takes a look at previous theories of the geocentric Earth-centered universe, and how that was the idea that could not be challenged, with torture awaiting those who dissented. Slowly, that idea was overturned and we started learning about reality, about our true size in the enormity of the universe, starting with the scale of the solar system, and then continuing with the idea of how to explore the planets in the solar system. Carl Sagan also talks in detail about the Voyager program. The book also has some great photos of the Solar System, courtesy of NASA.

Chapters

Wanderers: An Introduction
You Are Here
Aberrations of Light
The Great Demotions
A Universe Not Made for Us
Is There Intelligent Life on Earth?
The Triumph of Voyager
Among the Moons of Saturn
The First New Planet
An American Ship at the Frontiers of the Solar System
Sacred Black
Evening and Morning Star
The Ground Melts
The Gift of Apollo
Exploring Other Worlds and Protecting This One
The Gates of the Wonder World Open
Scaling Heaven
Routine Interplanetary Violence
The Marsh of Camarina
Remaking the Planets
Darkness
To the Sky!
Tiptoeing Through the Milky Way

Movie: The Day After Tomorrow (2004): The ultimate disaster movie

This was a movie released in 2004, at a time when the Bush Administration was steadfast in claiming that there was no global warming (or rather, that the science proving it was not confirmed), and there were sections of the scientific community and in society that were unhappy over this attitude of the administration. The fact that the admnistration was much closer to the business community which would be affected if measures needed to be taken to fight global warming compounded the response of this section of society. So keep in mind this fact while watching the movie, given that it touts that global warming can cause huge damages to our community, and that the political leadership is too blinkered to be able to take effective measures.
Global warming is a fact, and nations all over the world are talking (mostly talking) about how to address this problem, and are debating who needs to take what steps. It is a game for rich nations to worry about the effect on the economy, a huge debate between rich and poor nations about responsibility and steps to be taken, but it is coming and will keep on affecting us. This movie took the scare due to global warming to a much higher level, and keep in mind that there are almost no scientists who share the vision of a much accelerated change that is shown in the movie.



The movie was hugely successful (earning more than 650 million dollars), and brings to its viewers a vision of the full power of Mother Nature. The movie however did not earn much critical acclaim for its scientific background, and was criticized by a number of scientists working in the Global warming area; the feeling being that the movie, by showcasing a sudden onset of disaster and moving away from the decades based impact of global warming and makes the whole science seem freakish and unconvincing. One area where the movie won a lot of praise was in the area of its special effects, especially the disaster scenes.
The movie starts with scientific research on the ice shelf, Larsen Ice Shelf. Jack Hall (Dennis Quaid) is drilling for ice cores in the Antartic for NOAA. Suddenly, the ice shelf separates, and Jack almost dies. Jack travels to a conference on Global Warming in New Delhi where diplomats from all over the world have gathered in order to present his theory, but of course, politicians (including the Vice-President of the United States (resembling Dick Cheney)) refuse to believe him. However, the weather has other ideas. Another scientist (Professor Terry Rapson (Ian Holm) of the Hedland Climate Research Centre in Scotland) looks at Jack's theory and does not dismiss it. When he returns to Scotland, data from 2 water buoys in the North Atlantic show sudden drops in the temperature of the water. Unknown to humanity, the deep chill caused by global warming has begun.
Professor Rapson and Jack talk about Jack's theory, but Jack's theory was over a long period of time, not supposed to happen suddenly. Jack starts to build a computer model based on his theory, and on data, and the model is horrific in terms of what will happen. And the weather systems all over go haywire. Tokyo is hurt by a huge hailstorm, Los Angeles is decimated by tornadoes, planes get caught in the weather turbulence. Eventually, air traffic is stopped. British RAF helicopters are suddenly frozen as they pass through the eye of a superstorm. The human element to the movie is the father-son relationship between Jack and his son Sam (Jake Gyllenhaal) who have travelled to New York City for a competition, when the weather system turns haywire. Jack heads to New York to get them back to safety.
The predictions of storms, of an ice wave are so strong that it is recommended to evacuate the Northern Unites Stated and move to the South and to Mexico. In the meantime, Sam along with friends have taken refuge in the New York Public Library. Eventually, Jack manages to make it to the Library and get help for everybody over there, after the superstorm has passed.

Book: Billions and Billions by Carl Sagan (1997)

Carl Sagan was a famous scientist, teacher, and writer of books and creator of the series Cosmos, creations that tried to popularize science and increase the concept of free and logical thinking. Carl Sagan died in 1996 of the disease myelodysplasia (Wikipedia), after a long medical treatment. This death was a great loss to science, given that Sagan died at the fairly young age of 62 (he probably had a number of books, lectures and television series still in him, something that would have done much more to popularize science). This book is composed of essays written by Carl Sagan on different subjects, and was published after his death by his widow Ann Druyan. The title of the book is a spoof on the term 'Billions and Billions', a term that was never uttered by Sagan, but which was used satirically in various ways including by TV standup comedians.



Chapters of the book:

Part I: The Power and Beauty of Quantification
1. Billions and Billions
2. The Persian Chessboard
3. Monday Night Hunters
4. The Gaze of God and the Dripping Faucet
5. Four Cosmic Questions
6. So Many Suns, So Many Worlds

Part II: What Are Conservatives Conserving?
7. The World That Came In The Mail
8. The Environment: Where Does Prudence Lie?
9. Croesus and Cassandra
10. A Piece of the Sky Is Missing
11. Ambush: The Warming of the World
12. Escape from Ambush
13. Religion and Science: An Alliance

Part III: Where Hearts and Minds Collide
14. The Common Enemy
15. Abortion: Is It Possible to Be Both "Pro-Life" and "Pro-Choice"
16. The Rules of the Game
17. Gettysburg and Now
18. The Twentieth Century
19. In the Valley of the Shadow

The book is worth reading for the essays.

Book: The Dragons of Eden: Speculations on the Evolution of Human Intelligence by Carl Sagan (1977)

To read a science book can be dreary or boring; or it can be enlightening, imparting a wonderful education. It all depends on the author, and Carl Sagan was a wonderful author in this regard. He explains the concepts and ideas thoroughly, dosing an imparting of humour into the whole explanation and making it actually fun to read. Evolution is a heavy topic, and is also a political hot potato in the United States, where many bible groups believe that God (or intelligent design) is the creator of all life in the world, and more detrimentally to science, evolution is just a theory with no proof, a postulation by atheist scientists who do not recognize the importance of a supreme being in the whole aspect of creation.



Carl Sagan does not go against religion, he is more for the use of common sense and logic, backed by a scientific bent of mind, which looks for proof and theories that can explain life and its mysteries. So, Carl Sagan takes the theory of evolution, from the primordial single cell creatures to the age of reptiles to the evolution of highly intelligent species such as humans. He also takes on the human fear of reptiles, suggesting this fear to be based on early human's struggle against predators. Sagan also does a lot of detailing on subjects such as the search for a quantitative way of measuring intelligence (using the brain to body mass ratio), the evolution and structure of the brain, why do humans dream, etc.
The book won a Pulitzer Prize, and was a continuation of the Jacob Bronowski Memorial Lecture in Natural Philosophy which Sagan gave at the University of Toronto. The chapters of the book are:

Introduction
The Cosmic Calendar
Genes and Brains
The Brain and the Chariot
Eden as a Metaphor: The Evolution of Man
The Abstractions of Beasts
Tales of Dim Eden
Lovers and Madmen
The Future Evolution of the Brain
Knowledge is Our Destiny:Terrestrial and Extraterrestrial Intelligence

Broca's Brain by Carl Sagan (1979): Wonderful short essays

Carl Sagan is extremely famous for his books on science. These books take on various questions on science, and provide an education to people in such a way that the story-telling does not seem to be very high-brown, or above the head. If you read the book normally, by the end of the book, you will certainly have learned something. And that was the mission statement of Carl Sagan, who wrote a number of books seemingly to explain science to the masses. Broca's Brain (the full name of the book is "Broca's Brain: Reflections on the Romance of Science"). It was one in a series of books written by Carl Sagan, having been written just after 'The Dragons of Eden'. After Broca's Brain, Sagan went onto one of his major creations, something he will be known for long (Cosmos).
The title of the book is one of the interesting questions that Carl Sagan poses for his readers. The book is named for the French physician, anatomist and anthropologist, Paul Broca (1824 – 1880). At a time when medical science had not progressed too much, Broca is best known for discovering the previously unsuspected fact that the brain is compartmentalized into functional regions. He used to save hundreds of human brains in jars of formalin, part of his belief that science could predict the behavior of humans through a process that comprises of a study of the physical structure of the brain, as well as the known behavior of the people whose brains were so studied.



So, when Carl Sagan visits this place, and sees Broca's brain similarly preserved, he asks a question that is more of a religious question; how much of Paul Broca can still be found in the contents of the jar. After all, if a person is known by their thoughts and actions (both of these controlled by the brain), then having the brain preserved would mean that you could still study the physical structure of the brain and make some conclusions.
The book is a fascinating study in which Sagan tries to combine the discussion of science with an interleaving of philosophy, at the same time never leaving the thorough logic and discussion that are necessary while coming to a conclusion. The book is a series of essays, based on articles published in various magazines such as Atlantic Monthly, New Republic, Physics Today, Playboy and Scientific American, published between the years 1974 and 1979.
The book discusses a number of subjects, including the petty rivalry between scientists, discusses science fiction, how the planets were named, frauds and charlatans, and so on. The book has a fascinating quote by Carl Sagan near the end: "My deeply held belief is that if a god of anything like the traditional sort exists, our curiosity and intelligence were provided by such a god...on the other hand if such a god does not exist then our curiosity and intelligence are the essential tools for survival. In either case the enterprise of knowledge is essential for the welfare of the human species."

Cosmos by Carl Sagan (1980): Great book about science

Carl Sagan (Wikipedia) died in 1996 of cancer, dying relatively young at the age of 62. Carl Sagan was one of the people who did a huge amount to popularize the concept of science, especially related to space travel. His most popular work to date remains Cosmos, which was also made into an incredible 13 part TV series in 1980 (Cosmos: A Personal Voyage), that has so far been seen by 600 million people (including a large number of children). I remember being fascinated by the series when it used to come on TV when I was a child; there is a certain fascination of the heavens that draws people to it, especially children. The series should be made essential watching for school going children all over.



The book is based on the series, and is considered a companion to the TV series. It is one the best-selling books in the area of science, while typically science books do not sell as well. The book is divided into 13 chapters, and follows the TV series to a large extent, but there are certain variations (typically when Carl Sagan has already written about something in an earlier book, and it is explained in detail in the TV series). The various chapters are:

Introduction
1. The Shores of the Cosmic Ocean
2. One Voice in the Cosmic Fugue
3. The Harmony of Worlds
4. Heaven and Hell
5. Blues for a Red Planet
6. Travelers' Tales
7. The Backbone of Night
8. Travels in Space and Time
9. The Lives of the Stars
10. The Edge of Forever
11. The Persistence of Memory
12. Encyclopaedia Galactica
13. Who Speaks for Earth?
Appendix 1: Reductio ad Absurdum and the Square Root of Two
Appendix 2: The Five Pythagorean Solids
For Further Reading
Index



If you want to buy the series on video, click on this link.

Science Definitions from Kids

H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

When you smell a oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and water.

Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries, vanes, and caterpillers.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration.

The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the
bull.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire.

A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off.

The purpose of the skeleton is that it is something to hitch meat to.

A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the Moon, because there is no water in the Moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the Sun joins this fight.

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

Equator: a managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

Germinate: to become a naturalized German.

Liter: a nest of young puppies.

Magnet: something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

Planet: a body of earth surrounded by sky.

Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or
negative.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For a head cold, use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

What is a black hole ?

A black hole is a region of space in which the gravitational field is so powerful that nothing can escape after having fallen past the event horizon.
The name comes from the fact that even electromagnetic radiation (e.g. light) is unable to escape, rendering the interior invisible. However, black holes can be detected if they interact with matter outside the event horizon, for example by drawing in gas from an orbiting star.
The gas spirals inward, heating up to very high temperatures and emitting large amounts of radiation in the process. While the idea of an object with gravity strong enough to prevent light from escaping was proposed in the 18th century, black holes as presently understood are described by Einstein's theory of general relativity,developed in 1916.
This theory predicts that when a large enough amount of mass is present within a sufficiently small region of space, all paths through space are warped inwards towards the center of the volume, forcing all matter and radiation to fall inward.
While general relativity describes a black hole as a region of empty space with a pointlike singularity at the center and an event horizon at the outer edge, the description changes when the effects of quantum mechanics are taken into account.
Research on this subject indicates that, rather than holding captured matter forever, black holes may slowly leak a form of thermal energy called Hawking radiation.
However, the final, correct description of black holes, requiring a theory of quantum gravity, is unknown.

Kiss defined

Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.