WHY MEN HAVE BETTER FRIENDS

Women's Friends: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.

The husband called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew what she was talking about.

Men's Friends: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.

The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed he was still there.

Joke: Handling snakes

A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.

"Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?"

"Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler.

"Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?"

"I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound."

"What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman.

"Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."

What a friend does

Jack tossed the papers on my desk -- his eyebrows knit into a straight
line as he glared at me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He jabbed a finger at the proposal. "Next time you want to change
anything, ask me first," he said, turning on his heels and leaving me
stewing in anger.

How dare he treat me like that, I thought. I had changed one long
sentence, and corrected grammar -- something I thought I was paid to do.

It's not that I hadn't been warned. The other women, who had served in
my place before me, called him names I couldn't repeat. One co-worker
took me aside the first day. "He's personally responsible for two
different secretaries leaving the firm," she whispered.

As the weeks went by, I grew to despise Jack. It was against everything
I believed in -- turn the other cheek and love your enemies. But Jack
quickly slapped a verbal insult on any cheek turned his way. I prayed
about it, but to be honest, I wanted to put him in his place, not love him.

One day, another of his episodes left me in tears. I stormed into his
office, prepared to lose my job if needed, but not before I let the man
know how I felt. I opened the door and Jack glanced up.

"What?" he said abruptly.

Suddenly I knew what I had to do. After all, he deserved it.

I sat across from him. "Jack, the way you've been treating me is wrong.
I've never had anyone speak to me that way. As a professional, it's
wrong, and it's wrong for me to allow it to continue," I said. Jack
snickered nervously and leaned back in his chair. I closed my eyes
briefly. God help me, I prayed.

"I want to make you a promise. I will be a friend," I said. "I will
treat you as you deserve to be treated, with respect and kindness. You
deserve that," I said. "Everybody does." I slipped out of the chair and
closed the door behind me.

Jack avoided me the rest of the week. Proposals, specs, and letters
appeared on my desk while I was at lunch, and the corrected versions
were not seen again. I brought cookies to the office one day and left a
batch on Jack's desk. Another day I left a note. "Hope your day is going
great," it read.

Over the next few weeks, Jack reappeared. He was reserved, but there
were no other episodes. Co-workers cornered me in the break room.

"Guess you got to Jack," they said. "You must have told him off good." I
shook my head.

"Jack and I are becoming friends," I said in faith. I refused to talk
about him. Every time I saw Jack in the hall, I smiled at him. After
all, that's what friends do.

One year after our "talk", I discovered I had cancer. I was 32, the
mother of three beautiful young children, and scared. The cancer I had
were not great for long-term survival. After surgery, I visited with
friends and loved ones who tried to find the right words to say. No one
knew what to say. Many said the wrong things. Others wept, and I tried
to encourage them. I clung to hope.

One day, the door darkened in my small hospital room and Jack stood
awkwardly on the threshold. I waved him in with a smile and he walked
over to my bed and, without a word, placed a bundle beside me. Inside
lay several bulbs.

"Tulips," he said.

I smiled, not understanding.

He cleared his throat. "If you plant them when you get home, they'll
come up next spring." He shuffled his feet. "I just wanted you to know
that I think you'll be there to see them when they come up."

Tears clouded my eyes and I reached out my hand. "Thank you," I whispered.

Jack grasped my hand and gruffly replied, "You're welcome. You can't see
it now, but next spring you'll see the colors I picked out for you." He
turned and left without a word.

I have seen those red and white striped tulips push through the soil
every spring for over ten years now. In fact, this past September the
doctor declared me cured. I've seen my children graduate from high
school and enter college. I've celebrated twenty-two years of marriage
with my husband.

In a moment when I prayed for just the right word, a man with very few
words said all the right things.

After all, that's what friends do.

2 Irishmen and whiskey over grave

There once were two Irishmen, named Shawn and Pat, who were the best of friends. During one particular night of revelry, the two agreed that when one passed on, the other would take and spill the contents of a bottle of fine, Irish whiskey over the grave of the fondly missed and recently dead friend.

And as fate would have it, Shawn would be the first to pass. Pat, hearing of his friend's illness, came to visit his dear friend one last time.

"Shawn," said Pat, "can you hear me?"

Faintly, Shawn replied, "Yes, Paddy, I can."

Bashfully, Pat started, "Do you remember our pact, Shawn?"

"Yes, I do Patty," Shawn strained.

"And, you'll also remember that I was to pour the contents of a fine, old bottle of whiskey over your grave, which we have been saving for, going on 30 years now?" said Pat.

"Yes Patty, I do," whispered Shawn.

''It's a very 'old' bottle now, you know," urged Pat.

"And what are you gettin' at Pat?" asked Shawn, briskly.

"Well Shawn, when I pour the whiskey over your grave, would ya mind if I filter it through my kidneys first?"

Rattlesnake Bites

A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.

"Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?"

"Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler.

"Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?"

"I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound."

"What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman.

"Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."

MIKE IS DEAD

MIKE IS DEAD

Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did you hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"

"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."

"What a horrible way to die!"

"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and
he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

"What a way to go, that's terrible!"

"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."

"Man, what a way to go!"

"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."

"Now that is one awful way to go!"

"No no, he survived that..."

"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"

"I shot him!"

"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"

"He was wrecking my house."

100 ways to make u feel good and gain popularity.

01. Call an old friend, just to say hi.
02. Hold a door open for a stranger.
03. Invite someone to lunch.
04. Compliment someone on his or her appearance.
05. Ask a coworker for their opinion on a project.
06. Bring cookies to work.
07. Let someone cut in during rush hour traffic.
08. Leave a waitress or waiter a big tip.
09. Tell a cashier to have a nice day.
10. Call your parents.
11. Let someone know you miss them.
12. Treat someone to a movie.
13. Let a person know you really appreciate them.
14. Visit a retirement center.
15. Take a child to the zoo.
16. Fill up your spouse's car with gas.
17. Surprise someone with a small gift.
18. Leave a thank-you note for the cleaning staff at work.
19. Write a letter to a distant relative.
20. Tell someone you thought about them the other day.
21. Put a dime in a stranger's parking meter before the time expires.
22. Bake a cake for a neighbor.
23. Send someone flowers to where they work.
24. Invite a friend to tea.
25. Recommend a good book to someone.
26. Donate clothing to a charity.
27. Offer an elderly person a ride to where they need to go.
28. Bag your own groceries at the checkout counter.
29. Give blood.
30. Offer free baby-sitting to a friend who's really busy or just needs a break.
31. Help your neighbor rake leaves or shovel snow.
32. Offer your seat to someone when there aren't any left.
33. Help someone with a heavy load.
34. Ask to see a store's manager and comment on the great service.
35. Give your place in line at the grocery store
to someone who has only a few items.
36. Hug someone in your family for no reason.
37. Wave to a child in the car next to you.
38. Send a thank-you note to your doctor.
39. Repeat something nice you heard about someone else.
40. Leave a joke on someone's answering machine.
41. Be a mentor or coach to someone.
42. Forgive a loan.
43. Fill up the copier machine with paper after you're done using it.
44. Tell someone you believe in them.
45. Share your umbrella on a rainy day.
46. Welcome new neighbors with flowers or a plant.
47. Offer to watch a friend's home while they're away.
48. Ask someone if they need you to pick up
anything while you're out shopping.
49. Ask a child to play a board game, and let them win.
50. Ask an elderly person to tell you about the good old days.
51. During bad weather, plan an indoor picnic with the family.
52. Buy someone a goldfish and bowl.
53. Compliment someone on their cooking and politely ask for a second helping.
54. Dance with someone who hasn't been asked.
55. Tell someone you mentioned them in your prayers.
56. Give children's clothes to another family when your kids outgrow them.
57. Deliver extra vegetables from your garden to the whole neighborhood.
58. Call your spouse just to say, I love you.
59. Call someone's attention to a rainbow or beautiful sunset.
60. Invite someone to go bowling.
61. Figure out someone's half-birthday by adding 182 days, and surprise them with a cake.
62. Ask someone about their children.
63. Tell someone which quality you like most about them.
64. Brush the snow off of the car next to yours.
65. Return your shopping cart to the front of the store.
66. Encourage someone's dream, no matter how big or small it is.
67. Pay for a stranger's cup of coffee without them knowing it.
68. Leave a love letter where your partner will find it.
69. Ask an older person for their advice.
70. Offer to take care of someone's pet while they're away.
71. Tell a child you're proud of them.
72. Visit a sick person, or send them a care package.
73. Join a Big Brother or Sister program.
74. Leave a piece of candy on a coworker's desk.
75. Bring your child to work with you for the afternoon.
76. Give someone a recording of their favorite music.
77. Email a friend some information about
a topic they are especially interested in.
78. Give someone a homemade gift.
79. Write a poem for someone.
80. Bake some cookies for your local fire or police department.
81. Organize a neighborhood cleanup and have a barbecue afterwards.
82. Help a child build a birdhouse or similar project.
83. Check in on an old person, just to see if they're okay.
84. Ask for the recipe after you eat over at someone's house.
85. Personally welcome a new employee at work
and offer to take them out for lunch.
86. While in a car, ask everyone to buckle up
because they are important to you.
87. Let someone else eat the last slice of cake or pizza.
88. Stop and buy a drink from a kid's lemonade stand.
89. Forgive someone when they apologize.
90. Wave to someone looking for a parking space when you're about to leave a shopping center.
91. Send a copy of an old photograph to a childhood friend.
92. Leave a pint of your spouse's favorite flavor of ice cream in the freezer with a bow on it.
93. Do a household chore that is usually done by someone else in the family.
94. Be especially happy for someone when they tell you their good news.
95. Compliment a coworker on their role in a successful project.
96. Give your spouse a spontaneous back rub at the end of the day.
97. Serve someone in your family breakfast in bed.
98. Ask someone if they've lost weight.
99. Make a donation to a charity in someone's honor.
100. Take a child to a ballgame.

What are friends for ?

A FRIEND is a tissue when you can't stop crying
A FRIEND is a shoulder when you feel like dying
A FRIEND always listens when you have something to say
A FRIEND is a week when you just need a day
A FRIEND is a crutch when you have a broken heart
A FRIEND is some glue when everything falls apart
A FRIEND is a sun when the rain just won't stop
A FRIEND is your mom when you run into a cop
A FRIEND is a phone call when you can't leave your home
A FRIEND is a hand when you feel all alone
A FRIEND is a wing if you want to fly
A FRIEND understands without knowing why
A FRIEND is an ear for a secret to tell
A FRIEND is an aspirin when your head hurts like hell
A FRIEND is a love that can never let go

World's Best Friend's Week

Your Heart is your Love,
Your love is your Family ,
Your family is your Future ,
Your future is your Destiny ,
Your destiny is your Ambition,
Your ambition is your Aspiration ,
Your aspiration is your Motivation ,
Your motivation is your Belief ,
Your belief is your Peace ,
Your peace is your Target ,
Your target is Heaven,
Heaven is no fun without FRIENDS

Story of war

Horror gripped the heart of a World War-I soldier, as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. The soldier asked his Lieutenant if he could go out to bring his fallen comrade back.

"You can go," said the Lieutenant," but don't think it will be worth it.

Your friend is probably dead and you may throw your life away."

"The Lieutenant's words didn't matter, and the soldier went anyway.

Miraculously, he managed to reach his friend, hoisted him onto his shoulder and brought him back to their company's trench. The officer checked the wounded soldier, then looked kindly at his friend.

"I told you it wouldn't be worth it," he said. "Your friend is dead and you are mortally wounded."

"It was worth it, Sir," said the soldier.

"What do you mean by worth it?" responded the Lieutenant. "Your friend is dead."

"Yes Sir," the soldier answered,

"but it was worth it because when I got to him, he was still alive and I had the satisfaction of hearing him say....

" Jim...I knew you'd come."

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