Business humor: Checking meaning in different languages

Language hassles in International Marketing

Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations.
It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences.
For example, observe the following examples below.

The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la.
Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect.
Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."

In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."

Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."

The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."

When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.

When Parker Pen marketed a ball point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the Spanish word "embarazar"
meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato."

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

Joke: How business is done

Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son

Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride".
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case..."

Next Jack approaches Bill Gates

Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Jack: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case..."

Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Jack: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Jack: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case....."

This is how business is done!!

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Number of years as per billing

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven.

St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. "I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!"

St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the Pearly Gates, and agreed to check on his case.

After investigating, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that there is no mistake my son... We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and according to that, you're at least 108 years old!"

Sugars in food

Although for most purposes simply knowing the carb count is enough information for those following a low carb way of eating, there are times when we want to know whether and how much sugar was added to the food during processing. For example, if the label for a bottled sauce says that a teaspoon has "zero carbs", that could easily be due to rounding, so that a few tablespoons may start to have carb levels that you care about. By reading the label, you see whether sugar was added to the sauce, and can sometimes get an idea of how much.

What Are Added Sugars?

Sugars are a type of carbohydrate sometimes called "simple carbohydrates". Sugars occur naturally in many foods, especially fruits, but manufacturers also add sugars to most processed foods these days, because people seem to buy more sweet foods. The presence of these sugars often signals a higher glycemic index in the food.

Sugar Has Many Disguises

Careful reading of labels is necessary to know how much added sugar you are getting. Sometimes there will be small amounts of many types of sugars, so none of them end up being in the the first few ingredients of the label. Other times, sugar masquerades as apparently more "healthy" ingredients, such as honey, rice syrup, or even "organic dehydrated cane juice". These are sugar. Sometimes fruit juice concentrates will be used, which sound wholesome, but usually the juices chosen, such as white grape, apple, and pear juices, are among the least nutritious of the juices. By the time they are "concentrated", very little remains but the sugar.

Here is a list of some of the possible code words for "sugar" which may appear on a label. Hint: the words "syrup", "sweetener", and anything ending in "ose" can usually be assumed to be "sugar". If the label says "no added sugars", it should not contain any of the following, although the food could contain naturally-occurring sugars (such as lactose in milk).
* Corn sweetener
* Corn syrup, or corn syrup solids
* Dehydrated Cane Juice
* Dextrin
* Dextrose
* Fructose
* Fruit juice concentrate
* Glucose
* High-fructose corn syrup
* Honey
* Invert sugar
* Lactose
* Maltodextrin
* Malt syrup
* Maltose
* Maple syrup
* Molasses
* Raw sugar
* Rice Syrup
* Saccharose
* Sorghum or sorghum syrup
* Sucrose
* Syrup
* Treacle
* Turbinado Sugar
* Xylose
Remember, your body doesn't care what the label says, it's all just "sugar"!

Honest lawyer

An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel and so she began interviewing young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward; "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

He squirmed in his seat and admitted, "My dad sued me for the money."

Business Quotes:

Accomplishing the impossible only means the boss will add it to your regular duties.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.

Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. (Robert Frost)

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. (Sir Barnett Cocks)

Doing nothing is tiring because you can't stop to rest.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. (Dr. Lawrence J. Peter - The Peter Principle)

The first thing a new employee should do on the job is learn to recognize his boss' voice on the phone. (Martin Buxbaum)

Go the extra mile--It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

The Golden Rule of Bureaucracy: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!

I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

If we knew what we were doing it wouldn't be called research.

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate you away from
those who are still undecided. (Casey Stengal)

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

A memorandum is not written to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
(Dean Acheson)

Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time!

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years.

Closer to Home Quotes:

His mind sees things differently than we do -- to our amazement and amusement. Here are some more of his gems!!!!!!!

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well you have obviously overlooked something.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film!!!!!!!!