Office Inspirational Posters

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If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
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The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
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Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.
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If you think we're a bad firm, you should see our rivals!
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Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings - they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
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A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
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ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE..... We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members!
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2 days without a Human Rights Violation!
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If at first you don't succeed - try management.
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It's only unethical if you get caught.
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Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. Never quit until you have another job.
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Work harder slaves!
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
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If you can read this, you're not working!
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Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
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Go the extra mile - It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
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Pride, Commitment, Teamwork: words we use to get you to work for free.
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Succeed in spite of management.
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Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.
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There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore.

How to divide the children ?

A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counselor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they
were adamant. "So," said the counsellor, "you know the consequences and you want
to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally."
The wife flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?" "Yes," said the counsellor. "He gets $2,000. You get $2,000."
"What about my furniture? I paid for that."
"Same thing," answered the counsellor. "Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen." There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye. "What about our three children?"
That stumped him.
Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer.
"Go back and live together until your fourth child is born.
Then you take two children and your husband takes two."
The wife shook her head. "No, I'm sure that wouldn't work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn't have the three I got."

Did I do something at the New Year's Party ?

When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general
feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a
"dirty son of a bitch" to my face, I knew I must have done something
wrong at the office New Years Party.

The Office Manager called me from the hospital today and as this is
my last day, I'd like to take this way of apologizing to all of you.
I would prefer speaking to everyone personally, but all of you seem
to go deaf and dumb whenever I try to talk to you.

First, to our dear and beloved boss, I am sorry for all the things
I called you Friday afternoon. I'm very much aware that your father
is not a baboon, nor your mother a Chinese whore. Your wife is a
delightful woman, and my story of you buying her for 50 cents in
Tijuana was strictly a figment of my imagination. Your children are
undoubtedly yours, too. About the water cooler incident, you'll never
know how badly I feel about it, and I hope you didn't hurt your head
when they were trying to get the glass jug off.

To Mary, I express my deepest regrets. In my own defense, I must
remind you that you seemed to enjoy our little escapade on the
stairway as much as I did until the banister broke and we fell eight
feet to the second floor landing. In spite of the rupture you
incurred when I landed on top of you, I am sure you will admit that
when we landed it was one of the biggest thrills you have ever had.

Sam, you old cuss, you've just got to forgive me for that little
prank I played on you. If I had known you were goosey, I'd have never
done it. It would have been a lot worse if that fat lady hadn't been
standing right under the window you jumped through. She really broke
your fall a lot. People have been killed falling three stories.

Gene, I regret telling the fireman it was you who turned in the false
alarm. But, of course, I had no way of knowing they would make such a
big deal about it. Those fire hoses sure have a lot of pressure don't
they? And the water is cold!!

Don, I know how you must feel about me. Opening the door to the broom
closet suddenly must have startled you and Millie quite badly, and to
think how hard you bumped your chin on the sink when you bent over to
pull up your pants, it makes me sick. We'll have to get together for
dinner some night after the dentist finishes your plates.

Nancy, the only excuse I can offer for stealing all your clothes and
hiding them when I found you passed out in the ladies room, is that I
was drunk. Also, I want you to know I was very embarrassed when I
couldn't remember where I hid them, and you had to go home in that
old sofa cover. Running your falsies up the flagpole was a bit too
much, but like I said, I was a little drunk.

To all of you, I am sorry. Setting Jan's panties on fire seemed funny
at the time, and it makes me sad to hear that her husband is
divorcing her because of it.

Urinating in everyone's drink was in bad taste, and not telling them
about it until all the drinks were gone was even worse.

Now that I have apologized to all of you and know that I am forgiven,
I will do my darndest to come to the picnic.

It may be time to diet & exercise if--

--you try to do a few pushups and discover that certain body parts refuse to leave the floor.

--your children look through your wedding album and want to know who Daddy's first wife was.

--you get winded just saying the words "ten-kilometer run."

--you come to the conclusion that, if God really wanted you to touch your toes each morning, He would have put them somewhere around your knees.

--you analyze your body honestly and decide what you should develop first is your sense of humor.

--you step on a talking scale and it says, "Come back when you're alone."

Recipe: Lemon-Basted Chicken Breasts

Lemon-Basted Chicken Breasts

Serves 6 to 8

Skinned breast chicken is low in calories and grills quickly.

½ C fresh lemon juice

½ C fresh orange juice

1 T grated lemon rind

1 clove garlic, minced

1-1/2 t tarragon

½ t salt

½ t freshly ground pepper

10 chicken breast halves, skin removed

Combine the lemon juice, orange juice, lemon rind, garlic, tarragon, salt, and pepper. Place the chicken pieces in a baking pan big enough to hold them in a single layer, and pour in the juice mixture. Let marinate for about 3 hours in the refrigerator, turning occasionally. Have a barbecue fire ready. Remove the chicken, reserving the marinade. Grill 4-6 inches from hot coals for about 20 minutes, turning three or four times and brushing with the reserved marinade, until browned, and the chicken is no longer pink when cut at the bone.

Recipe: Grilled Halibut w/Olive-Chili Sauce

Grilled Halibut w/Olive-Chili Sauce

Serves 4

Firm-textured fish is good for grilling. Thin, delicate fillets, such as sole and flounder, tend to fall apart on the grill and are better pan-fried. The olive-chili sauce livens up the mild fish. It is nice served with warm tortillas.

Olive-Chili Sauce

4-oz. can diced green chilies

4-oz. can chopped ripe olives, drained

1/3 C olive oil

2 T wine vinegar or lemon juice

¼ t salt

¼ t freshly ground pepper


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Fish

2 lbs. fish steaks (halibut, snapper, sea bass, or tuna), about 1 inch thick

Olive oil

Salt

Freshly ground pepper


To make the sauce, combine the chilies, olives, oil, vinegar or lemon juice, salt, and pepper, and stir until blended. Have a barbecue fire ready. Rub the fish lightly with oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste. Grill 4-6 inches from hot coals for about 10 minutes, turning once. The fish is done when it has turned from translucent to opaque at the thickest part and no longer looks raw; make a small cut with a knife to check. Transfer to a warm platter, spoon some of the sauce over the fish, and pass the remainder at the table.

Recipe: Grilled Zucchini, Eggplant, & Peppers

Grilled Zucchini, Eggplant, & Peppers

Serves 6

These take only minutes to cook, and are delicious right off the grill or at room temperature.

1 large eggplant

Salt

1 lb. small zucchini or crookneck squash, or a mixture

1 green pepper

1 red pepper, or another green pepper

½ C olive oil

¼ C lemon juice or wine vinegar

1 clove garlic, minced

1 t basil

¼ t freshly ground black pepper


Cut the eggplant into slices about ½ inch thick. Sprinkle both sides lightly with salt and let drain on paper towels for about 1 hour. Meanwhile, cut the squash in half lengthwise; set aside. With a vegetable peeler, peel the peppers---do the best you can, but don't worry about removing every bit of skin. Quarter the peppers and remove the ribs and seeds. Flatten each quarter slightly. Pat the eggplant slices dry. In a jar with a tight lid shake together oil, lemon juice, or vinegar, garlic, basil, black pepper, and ½ t salt. Have a barbecue fire ready. Grill all the prepared vegetables 4 inches from the coals for about 7-10 minutes, until tender and lightly browned, turning two or three times with a spatula and brushing with the oil mixture.