Funny: Some jokes

A Rabbi who's been leading a congregation for many years is upset by the fact that he's never been able to eat pork.

So he devises a plan whereby he flies to a remote tropical island and checks into a hotel.

He immediately gets himself a table at the finest restaurant and orders the most expensive pork dish on the menu.

As he's eagerly waiting for it to be served, he hears his name called from across the restaurant.

He looks up to see 10 of his loyal congregants approaching. His luck, they'd chosen the same time to visit the same remote location!

Just at that moment, the waiter comes out with a huge silver tray carrying a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth.

The Rabbi looks up sheepishly at his congregants and says, "Wow - you order an apple in this place and look how it's served!"

-------------------------------

A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York City.

He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a resident New Yorker.

He asked, "Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?"

The Saudi replied, "Excuse me, but what is a shortage?"

The Russian said, "Excuse me, but what is meat?"

The North Korean replied, "Excuse me, but what is an opinion?"

The New Yorker replied, "What is 'excuse me'?"


-------------------------

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered,"Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No.

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed hushed voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle: "Me."

Recipe: PORK GOULASH

1 3/4 pounds boneless pork roast, trimmed and cut into 1/2" pieces
3 medium parsnips, peeled and cut into coins
2 large carrots, peeled and cut into coins
1 large onion, chopped
4 tbs sweet paprika
2 cup low sodium chicken broth
1/2 pound green beans, trimmed and cut into 1" pieces
1/2 cup sour cream
2 tbs cornstarch
1/2 tsp each salt and pepper

1. Place first 4 ingredients in a slow cooker. Sprinkle with 2 tbs paprika, stir to coat. Pour in broth. Cover and cook on high 3 hours or low 4 hours.
2. Add green beans, cook 30 min.
3. In a bowl, blend remaining paprika, sour cream, cornstarch, salt and pepper. Stir into slow cooker bowl until thickened, then serve.

MAKES 6 SERVINGS.

Recipe: PORK & SWEET POTATO STIR FRY

1/2 cup beef broth
2 tbs reduced sodium soy sauce
1 tbs ketchup
1 tbs rice vinegar
2 tsp cornstarch
1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
2 tbs olive oil (I used vegetable oil)
1 pound thin boneless pork chops, cut across grain, 1/4" thick
1/8 tsp salt
1 1/2 pounds sweet potatoes, peeled, quartered lengthwise and sliced crosswise into 1/4" thick
2 green bell peppers, cored, seeded and cut into 1/2" thick strips

1. In bowl, mix first 6 ingredients until smooth. Set aside.
2. Heat 1 tbs oil in a skillet. Add pork and stir fry 2 min. Season with salt. Remove to plate and keep warm.
3. Add remaining oil to skillet, saute sweet potatoes and peppers 8 min. Add 1 cup water and simmer covered until sweet potatoes are tender.
4. Stir in broth mixture and cooked pork and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer 1 min. or until sauce is thickened and meat is heated through. Serve immediately. I served this with Beef Rice a Roni. Very good meal.

MAKES 4 SERVINGS.