Joke: Nun and her flight

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting
for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight
machines that tell your fortune. So, she thought to herself "I'll give it a
try just to see what it tells me."

She went over to the machine and put her nickel in, and out came a card
that said, "You're a nun you weigh 128 lb. and you are going to Chicago,
Illinois." She sat back down and thought about it. She told herself it
probably tells everyone the same thing, but decided to try it again.

She went back to the machine and put her nickel in. Out came a card that
read, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 lb., you're going to Chicago, Illinois
and you are going to play a fiddle." The nun said to herself, "I know
that's wrong, I have never played a musical instrument a day in my
life," She sat
down again. From no where, a cowboy came over and set his fiddle case
down next to her. The nun picked up the fiddle and just started playing
beautiful music. Startled, she looked back at the machine and said,
"This is incredible. I've got to try it again,"

Back to the machine. She put her nickel in and another card came out. It
said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you're going to Chicago, Illinois
and you're going to break wind. Now, the nun knows the machine is wrong;
"I've never broke wind in public a day in my life! "Well, she tripped, fell
off the scales and broke wind.

Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself,
"This is truly unbelievable! I've got to try it again."

She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and collected the card. It
said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you have fiddled and farted around
and missed your flight to Chicago.

Adult Joke: THREE NUNS

One day there were three nuns standing outside the gates of heaven waiting to enter.

St. Peter approached them and asked the first nun, "Do you know who the first man was on earth?"

She said, "Ummm that's tough... Adam?"

Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked in.

Then St. Peter went to the second nun and asked, "Do you know who the first woman was on earth?"

She said, "Ummmm... Eve?"

Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked in.

St. Peter then asked the third and last nun, "What were the first words Eve said to Adam?"

The third nun said, "Hmmmm, that's a hard one."

Bells rang, Angels sang, The gates opened, and she walked right in.

The Blonde Nun

A blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My
daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love and your
prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to commend you and
to grant you anything you wish."

"Oh, Father, I am perfectly happy. I do what I love. The Church supports me.
I am content. I need nothing."

"There must be something you would like," said God.

"Well, there is one thing." "Name it," said God. She frowned. "It's those
blonde jokes. They're so demeaning, not just to me but to blondes
everywhere. Can you stop them?"

"Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes are hereby stricken from the
minds of humans everywhere. But isn't there something I could do just for
you?"

"Well, there's one thing. But it's really small and not worth your time,"
she said. "Tell me, please!" said God. "It's the M&M's," she said. "They're
so hard to peel!"

An Excited Nun

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of a parochial school in
a very advanced state of agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just wait until
you hear this!"

The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, "Now just calm down and tell
me what has you so excited?"

"Well, Father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the
chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!"

"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest.

"But that's not what has me so shocked, Father," replied the nun, "it was
what they were wagering on! They had wagered on a contest to see who could
urinate the highest on the wall!"

"What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?"

"Well, I hit the ceiling, father."

To which the priest replied, "How much did you win?"

Late Return

Two aspirant nuns stay out too late one night and come back to find the
doors to their convent closed and locked. The first nun immediately begins
to worry that their absence will be noticed and they'll get into trouble.

"Don't worry!" says the second nun, "I know another way in."

So the two nuns go round the back of the convent, and the second nun boosts
the first onto the back wall.

As the first nun reaches down to help the second up, she says, "You know, I
feel like a commando."

"Me too!" grunts the second nun, "But where are we going to find one at this
time of night!"

Adult Joke: The all knowing parrot

Three nuns passed every day through a street that led them from Church to a Reformatory. They noticed a parrot that stood at the entrance of a big residential house. Every time they passed in front of that house, the bird would pronounce three sequential colors.

One day, they heard, "yellow, blue, black."

One of the nuns noticed that those colors perfectly matched the colors of their underwear. She mentioned her discovery to the other two nuns, but both were reluctant to believe that could be possible.

The next day, they all wore black underwear and passed in front of the house, and very precisely the parrot spoke, "black, black, black."

Hearing that, the three nuns were astonished! One of the nuns spoke up, "Girls, tomorrow we are going to trick that bird." Saying that, she recommended that the next day, none of them should be wearing any underwear under their vestments.

Respecting their agreement, the next day they wore no underwear, and proceeded to pass in front of the parrot's house.

Initially, the parrot looked a bit puzzled, he swung back and forth on his perch.

Then, after a while, the Parrot said, "Straight, Straight, Curly!"