Humour: Men and housework

Do men just play dumb when it comes to cleaning?
Is this an obvious attempt to avoid any sort of housework?
I used to think so, but now I think it may have something to do with
a testosterone brain block or something.

Broom (brum) - a long handled brush used for sweeping (also doubles
as a mode of transportation for your mother)

Vacuum (vak' u em) - much like the leaf blower except it sucks in,
instead of blowing out. Don't let this alarm you. It isn't broken and
doesn't need more torque, speed, RAM or whatever it is you did to the
dishwasher.

Dust Pan (DUH) - Contrary to popular belief, this is where you sweep
the dirt, not under the hallway area rug.

Dust Cloth (dust kloth) - A cloth designated for removing tiny
particles of dirt from every flat surface of the house. Hint: look
for your old "lucky shirt".

Bucket (buk' it) - Cylindric container used for holding soapy water
when mopping the floor. Also known as your mid-evil knight helmet
when you're playing with our seven-year-old.

Mop (mop) - a bundle of coarse yarn, rags or cloth fastened at the
end of a stick. You'll remember this as your dance partner at the New
Year's Eve party last year.

Toilet Brush (toi' lit brush) - Used for scrubbing the inside of the
toilet bowl. I don't care what this looks like, you may NOT use my
shower luffa again!

Oven Cleaner (uv' en Klen' er) - No, not the teenager. This is an
actual product that you buy, spray in the oven and wipe out two hours
later. You won't need your welder's mask for this task, but if it
makes you feel more dangerous, go ahead.

Sponge (spunj) - used to gently wash away food particles from
dinnerware. It won't be necessary to use your 300psi Power wash set.
That was given to you in hopes of cleaning the exterior of the house
(hint hint).

Squeegee (skwe' je) - Same principle as washing the car windshield,
and yes, real men do squeegee!

Final Note: While Duct tape may be a wonderful plumbers aid, it's
really not the best solution for keeping the bathroom towels in
place, and Jamie's teacher is still asking why his homework was stuck
to his forehead last week. For these reasons, I have hidden the duct
tape and distributed your picture to the local hardware stores. Don't
make me call Duct Tape Anonymous again.

Take your time, everything will be fine. If you need me, I'll be in
the basement cleaning up the smoke damage from your "do it yourself"
electrical rewiring incident last week.

Joke; A teacher in heaven

A teacher dies and goes to Heaven. When she gets there she meets Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

Peter says to her, "Welcome to Heaven. Let me give you an orientation first." So Peter takes her to some beautiful houses.

The teacher asks, "Who lives here in these beautiful houses?"

"These are for doctors. They did a lot of good on Earth so they get a nice mansion," replies Peter.

Peter takes the teacher to some more mansions. These were more magnificent than the first.

"Wow, who lives here?"

"These mansions are for social workers. They did a lot of good on Earth, but didn't make a lot of money so they get a better house."

Peter takes the teacher to some more mansions. These are the most gorgeous homes she had ever seen. They have huge columns, well manicured lawns, beautiful stained glass windows - - - the works!

"These are the most beautiful homes I have ever seen," exclaims the teacher. "Who lives here?!"

"Teachers live here," says Peter, "they did much good on Earth and received very little money, so they get the best houses in all of Heaven."

"But where are all of the teachers?" inquires the teacher.

Peter answers, "Oh, they'll be back soon. They're all in Hell at a faculty meeting."

Weird news: Crushing house based on wrong GPS coordinates

GPS (Global Positioning System) is a satellite based system of providing the coordinates of any point on earth, and is used for a number of different applications such as being able to plot destinations, traffic mapping, city planning, races, etc. GPS is also being used more and more for offensive tactics such as positioning for cruise missiles, bombs, and other targeting. GPS has seen to be seen as a major solution accelerator for many industries, however, the dependence on GPS to the exclusion of any other factor caused this man to lose his house (link to article):

A Georgia man is none too happy that his memory-filled family home, lovingly hand built "brick by brick" by Pop, is now a scene of rubble-strewn desolation after a demolition firm used a GPS to identify its victim and moved in for the kill. Al Byrd of Sandy Springs got a bit of a shock earlier this month when someone called to let him know the Carroll County house was no more. Byrd had lived there with his nine brothers and sisters, and the house still contained precious heirlooms including "mom’s dining room set … her hutch with her dishes in there"
“I said, ‘What address did you have?’ and he said, ‘They sent me some GPS coordinates.’ I said, ‘Don’t you have an address?’ [and] he said, ‘Yes, my GPS coordinates led me right to this address here and this house was described.’”

A great problem, imagine demolishing a house just because the technology used for GPS erred; but this was also true in some cases where drivers have been reported as having been guided down wrong roads while using their GPS trackers. It would have been good for the firm to have got a confirmation for the address before demolishing it.

One tree destroys home, another warns

In huge storms, the speed of wind is many times enough to blow down trees; in many case, these falling trees cause a lot of damage - they can destroy vehicles on which they fall, they can break down large sections of houses if they fall on the house. What happens when a person is inside the house when a tree falls on the house ? Nothing good happens; in some cases, the result can be fatal. However, would you believe that a falling tree actually saved a person from another such falling tree ? Read on (link to article):

Kiefer was sitting on his sofa Monday morning while a brief but intense windstorm blew through the Atlanta, Georgia, area, including Decatur. He heard a tree crash in his backyard and got up to investigate. That tree knocked down a chain-link fence, and Kiefer was getting worried about several other large backyard trees that were swaying in the wind.
"Couple of hours ago my knees where shaking pretty good," he admitted. But, he said, God was looking out for him. "Actually, he saved my life," Kiefer said. "When I came outside to investigate that noise, that was my warning to get up off that couch. And then, not to go back in the house when it got real windy, but to stand right there where that tree stopped. There are no coincidences."

To be in such a life threatening moment, and then realize that you are saved due to some act of providence is enough to bring back the belief in a god or guardian angel looking out for you.