Joke: Three men died and went to hell

When they get there the devil asks the first guy why he was there and
he replied "I have a drinking problem." so the devil puts him in a
room with every kind of alcohol he can imagine, then he locks the door.

He then asks the 2nd guy why he was there the guy then says, "I can't
stop cheating on my wife." The devil then puts him in a room with the
hottest girl ever and locks the door.

Then he asks the last guy why he was there he reply "I'm a pot
smoker." So the devil locks him in a room with lots and lots of pot.

In a hundred years the devil comes back and unlocks the first door
and the guy comes out and says," I will never drink again!" so the
devil sends him to heaven.

He goes to the 2nd door and opens it and the guy comes out and says"
I will never look at another woman again!" so the devil sends him to heaven.

Finally he goes to the third door and opens it and goes in and there
is the pot smoker sitting there with tears coming down his face.

When devil asks him what is wrong he replies, "Hey man you got a light??"

Joke: The dying man

A priest was preparing a man for his journey into the beyond. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil."

The dying man said nothing.

The priest repeated his order.

Still the dying man said nothing.

The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."

The Devil And The Golfer

The Devil And The Golfer

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless
but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "OK." And sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another
fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." And he makes an eagle. Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly." And makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil and from now on you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."