Joke: Getting some good leads

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.

Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration.
"You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.

You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads!!"

Joke: I Can't Hear You!

At one local church, Bill was in charge of taking up the offerings.  One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated, so he questioned Bill.   He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation.  Bill said that he did not take any of the offering.

 

The priest then said, "Get in the confessional," which Bill did.  Then the priest asked him did you take any of the offering."

 

Bill responded, "I can't hear you."

 

Again the priest asked, "Bill, did you take any of the offering?"

 

Again Bill answered, "I can't hear you."

 

This time the priest yelled, "BILL, DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING?"

 

Again Bill answered, "I can't hear you."

 

By this time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the confessional and said, "Bill, trade places with me and you can ask me a question."

 

So they traded places and Bill asked, "I hear that you and my wife are having an affair, is that true?"

 

To which the priest answered, "By golly you can't hear in here!" 

Humour: Confession

A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned.

"What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest.

"I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man.

"How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest.

"Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse."

The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad."

The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage."

"Well, now, that's a little more serious."

"Father, there's more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!"

With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more serious. I'm afraid you'll have to make a novena."

"Father, I'm not sure what a 'novena' is, but if you've got the blueprints, I've got the lumber!"