Joke: Two Bagels

It was a terrible night, blowing cold and snow in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little Jewish man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet, freezing, and bedraggled.

As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, "May I have two poppy seed bagels to go, please?"

The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"

"That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Sherry."

"Sherry is your wife?" asked the baker.

"What did you think," snapped the little man, "that my mother would send me out on a night like this?"

Joke: Spelling mistakes

SPELLING ERRORS

Bernie is walking down High Street in Brooklyn when he notices the following sign in the shop window of 'Moshe's Kosher Emporium' -ALL THE DEVCIES YOU NEED FOR YOUR HOEM

So he goes inside and asks to see Moshe.

"Can I help you, sir?" Moshe asks Bernie.

"I just wanted to point out that you have two spelling errors in the sign you have in your window."

"Yes, I know," says Moshe. "It's a deliberate marketing policy. You see, we get around a dozen people coming in here each day to point this out to us, and of these, at least 3 or 4 buy something. And now that you're in here, sir, can I interest you in our special low price for a kitchen table and four chairs?"

BEGGARS

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other one, the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite,"

The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!

Answered Prayers

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim were having a discussion about who was the most religious.

"I was riding my camel in the middle of the Sahara ," exclaimed the Muslim. Suddenly a fierce sandstorm appeared from nowhere. I truly thought my end had come as I lay next to my camel while we were being buried deeper and deeper under the sand. But I did not lose my faith in the Almighty Allah, I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for a hundred meters all around me, the storm had stopped. Since that day I am a devout Muslim and am now learning to recite the Koran by memory."

"One day while fishing," started the Christian," I was in my little dinghy in the middle of the ocean. Suddenly a fierce storm appeared from nowhere. I truly thought my end had come as my little dinghy was tossed up and down in the rough ocean. But I did not lose my faith in Jesus Christ, I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for 300 meters all around me, the storm had stopped. Since that day I am a devout Christian and am now teaching young children about Him."

"One day I was walking down the road," explained the Jew," I was in my most expensive designer outfit in the middle of New York City . Suddenly I saw a black bag on the ground in front of me appear from nowhere. I put my hand inside and found a million dollars in cash. I truly thought my end had come as it was a Saturday and we are not allowed to handle money on Saturdays. But I did not lose my faith in Jehovah, I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for 500 feet all around me, it was Tuesday!"

He Was Returned

A little old Jewish lady has taken her young grandson to the beach and he is playing in the shallow water. She is standing on the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the little boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He has simply vanished into the sea.

The grandmother raises her hands high up toward the sky, screams and cries, "Lord, how could you take him? Have I not been a wonderful grandmother? Have I not been a wonderful mother? Have I not given to Bnai Brith? Have I not given to Hadassah? Have I not lit candles every Friday night at dusk? Have I not tried my very best to live the life that you would have me live?"

A loud voice booms down from the sky, "Okay, okay, already!"

A few seconds later another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the little boy is playing there, smiling, splashing around as if nothing had ever happened. The loud voice booms again, "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?"

The grandmother looks at the boy for a moment, cups her hands to her mouth and yells up at the sky, "He had a hat!"