Joke: I'm Going Hunting With You

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season.  He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his beautiful blonde wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"

Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along.

Later they arrive at the hunting site.  Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant... much less a deer.  Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Jake starts running back.  As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"  Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife.  And again he hears her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air.  The cowboy, obviously distraught, yells: "Okay, lady, okay!!!!  You can have your deer!!!  Just let me get my saddle off it!"

HUNTING DOG

This man wanted to buy a hunting dog. He heard of this guy who had a dog for sale, so he went to check it out. They get the dog out to the woods and the owner snaps his fingers and says "GO!"

The dog takes off, comes back a few minutes later, and barks once. The man asked the owner "What does that mean?"

The owner says "Well, he barked once, that means he saw one rabbit."

The guy says "OK, let's see it again."

The owner snaps his fingers and says "GO!" The dog takes off, comes back a few minutes later, and barks twice.

The guy asks "OK, what does that mean?"

The owner says "Well, he barked twice, that means he saw two rabbits."

The guy says "OK, one more time and he's sold." The owner snaps his fingers, the dog takes off, comes back carrying a stick and starts to hump his owners leg.

The guy says "WHAT! does that mean?

The owner says "Well, that means he just saw more fuckin' rabbits than you can shake a stick at!"

Pygmy and his great club

A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead dinosaur with a pygmy standing beside it.

Amazed, he asked: "Did you kill that?".

The pygmy said "Yes."

The hunter asked "How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that?"

Said the pygmy: "I killed it with my club."

The astonished hunter asked: "How big is your club?"

The pigmy replied: "There's about 260 of us."

Screaming during a hunt

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.

The father said, "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."

A few minutes later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream and ran back to his son.

"What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."

The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet.

I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.

I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder.

I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me.

I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat.

I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching.

But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said,

"Should we eat them here or take them with us?" Well, I guess I just panicked."