If you don't eat your vegetables

There was this poor, sad little fellow who was very nerdy,
wizened and unhealthy looking. He never had any luck with
women, as they just laughed at his pathetic appearance. He tried
everything...lonely hearts columns, singles clubs, dating agencies
etc, all to no avail.

One night he was all alone (as usual) in a bar, staring gloomily
into his lonely drink, when a beautiful blonde started giving him
the eye. She wore the tightest of sweaters and briefest of mini
skirts and he could scarcely believe it when she wiggled over to
him and said "Hi."

He blinked and looked around, thinking she must be talking to
somebody behind him. But, no, she was talking to him, and soon
they struck up an animated conversation. After a few drinks,
she asked him if he would like to take her home and the guy,
floating on Cloud Nine, eagerly assented.

At her house she led him inside, wiggling her hips seductively.
She led him to the sofa and poured him a large Scotch. Then she
told him he was to take all his clothes off, and the blonde then
blindfolded him with a scarf tied tightly around his eyes so that
he couldn't see a thing. She announced that she was going to leave
the room for a moment and when she returned he was to remove the
blindfold and she would have a surprise for him.

He was now trembling with anticipation. He had never even had sex
with a woman before, never mind this kinky stuff. She left him
sitting on the couch, stark naked and still blindfolded.

After a few moments he heard the blonde return. She told him in a
sweet voice, "OK, you can take the blindfold off now." He eagerly
whipped the scarf from his eyes, only to find the blonde still
fully dressed, but accompanied by three small children who stared
at him in amazement.

"There," said the blonde to the kids. "Now that's what you'll look
like if you don't eat your vegetables."

Washing dog

An eight-year-old boy walks into the local grocery store and picked out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, trying to be friendly, and asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, not laundry. I'm going to wash my dog," said the boy.
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog," the grocer said. "It's very powerful detergent and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it could even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it. The grocer continued to try to convince the boy, but it was no use. The young boy's mind was made up.
About a week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer approached the boy and asked him how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said sadly. "I'm so sorry, son. I tried to warn you that the detergent could kill your dog," the grocer said.
"Well," the boy replied. "It wasn't the detergent that killed him." The grocer was a bit relieved. "Oh? What was it then?" he asked. "Mom said it was probably the spin cycle."

Siren with a fire engine

A fire fighter was working on an engine outside the station when he Noticed the little girl next door in a little red wagon with little Ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the Middle. The girl was wearing a fire fighter's helmet and the wagon was Being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck", the fire fighter said with admiration.
"Thanks" said the little girl. The fire fighter looked a little closer And noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the Cat's' testicle.
"Little Partner", the fire fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how To run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's Collar too, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I Wouldn't have a siren."