Joke: What did the Holy Mother actually want ?

After a long life of unselfish service, Father John O'Malley died and went to heaven. Saint Peter met him at the Pearly Gates and said, "John, you did such a wonderful job for us on Earth, we'd like to do something special for you. You name it, it's yours."

John thought for a moment and said, "I'd like a private audience with the Holy Mother."

Saint Peter told him that it would be arranged.

On the appointed day, Saint Peter escorted John to the Holy Mother's sanctuary. John went before Her, knelt and said, "Holy Mother, I've always looked to You for guidance, and You have granted me peace and serenity through some difficult times. But I have one question that has nagged me during my whole time on earth. In all the paintings that were done of you, and in all the sculptures that were made of you, you always looked so sad. Why is that?"

Mary thought for a moment pursing her lips. She then said, "I always wanted a girl."

Joke - The young boy and Christ

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco . The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?"

The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."

"And why did you take Him?"

The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it.

Visit to the Vatican: Tips and what to see

The Vatican (official site) is an incredible destination; the spiritual head-quarters of Catholic Christians the world over. Vatican City is a landlocked sovereign city-state whose territory consists of a walled enclave within the city of Rome, the capital city of Italy. At approximately 44 hectares (110 acres), and with a population of around 900, it is the smallest country in the world by both area and population. At the same time, there is a distinction between the Holy See (central authority of the Roman Catholic Church) that has existed for a long time in history, and Vatican City, which is a city-state that came into existence in 1929 (for more details of the distinction, refer to Wikipedia (click here)). Vatican City is an ecclesiastical or sacerdotal-monarchical state, ruled by the Bishop of Rome — the Pope.



Map of Vatican City (placement within Rome) on Google Maps (may need to zoom in)


View Larger Map

A great site with information on timings for many places inside the Vatican, dress code, mass timings, climbing the cupola, grottoes, restrooms, St. Peter's Tomb, seeing the pope, Sistine Chapel, Tours (link)

Hours: St. Peter's Basilica is open daily, Apr-Sep 7:00-19:00;
Oct-Mar 7:00-18:00
Treasury Museum: 9:00 - 18:15 (Apr - Sep) 9:00 - 17:15 p.m. (Oct - Mar)
Grottoes: 7:00-18:00 (Apr - Sep) 7:00-17:00 (Oct - Mar)
Cupola: 8:00 - 18:00 (Apr - Sep) 8:00 - 16:45 (Oct - Mar)
Scavi Office: weekdays 9:00 - 17:00

Vatican Museum & Sistine Chapel - (Vatican website)
Hours - Closed on many holidays, check the Vatican Website
Mar-Oct 8:45-15:20, Exit 16:45 Saturdays 8:45 - 12:20 Exit 13:45
Nov-Feb 8:45 - 12:20, Exit 13:45
Closed Sundays, except the last Sunday of the month which is free.
Regular Price - 12 Euros

Virtual Tour of St. Paul's Basilica Outside the Walls available at this link (click here)

Virtual tours of the Vatican Museums at this link (click here)

Information on St. Peter's Basilica (Wikipedia - including the history of the construction of the Church) and Square in the Vatican City (link), (Photos from EWTN Catholic Network)

For people visiting the Vatican, it is always a challenge for them to decide what to visit. Here are some links to articles that describe what to visit:

Article in the Telegraph about how to visit the museums (click here)

Few visitors to the Vatican Museums come away unmoved by what they see - especially in the Sistine Chapel. The sheer scale of Michelangelo's ambition and achievement (he painted more than 600 figures in all), the coherence of the compositions and the consistency of the artistic quality is heart-stopping. The problem is how to enjoy it. Throughout most of the year, the sheer number of people cramming into the chapel, and especially into the Raphael Rooms, undermines the whole experience. It's like trying to read metaphysical poetry in a rugby scrum.
Top 20:
Raphael paintings and tapestries, Aldo-Brandini Wedding Fresco, Horses heads, The Ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, The Last Judgment, Fra Angelico: Chapel of Nicholas V (for more, including descriptions, visit the actual article)

Some useful tips at this forum post at fodors.com (link)

The Sistine Chapel is part of the Vatican Museums and furthest from the entrance. There is an admission fee. For an additional fee, you can prebook a timed entry to avoid waiting in line. Anecdotal evidence suggests that lines are short or non-existent after about 1 pm.
http://biglietteriamusei.vatican.va/musei/tickets/index.html
There is no fee for entry to St. Peter's Basilica, but there is a security line, which generally moves quite fast.

Tips from ehow.com (link)

Select the day you want to visit Vatican City. Check the official Vatican website for events you want to attend or avoid, including the Pope's weekly public appearance in St. Peter's Square.

Private visit to the Vatican Gardens and Sistine Chapel (link)

Detailed description of visit to the Vatican City with photos (link)

Finally, we moved into the Sistine chapel where no speaking, photography or videography is allowed. It is difficult to comprehend the scope of the Michelangelo ceiling from individual images - they can never recreate the feeling of looking up at this work in its whole. This is also the room in which the Pope is elected by the college of cardinals and seems to resonate with history and untold secrets. It was far less crowded in the chapel from the last time I visited, and we were able to take seats along the benches that line the perimeter. From here we could comfortably take in the various panels without the sort of reverse vertigo that you get from walking in slow circles with your head tilted back. Certainly the panel showing God creating Adam is captivating, but so are many of the less famous images that lead to this centre piece.

Ticket Office online of the Vatican Museums (for skipping the lines, for getting guided tours, for school groups, and for pilgrimages) (link)

A pilgrim's report (link)

As Christian and Catholic, I will never conceive a visit to Rome without visiting the Vatican City, the spiritual centre of the Christendom, with the famous Saint Peter's Basilica and the other three Basilicas located outside the Holy See walls: Saint John in Lateran, Saint Mary Major and Saint Paul outside the Walls, the impressive Vatican Museums, the beautiful Gardens and the fantastic St. Peter's Square.

Vatican City, Italy - Sistenth Chapel, St Peter's Basilica



2 parts of a virtual tour of the Vatican (an excerpt from a National Geographic documentary titled "Inside the Vatican").

A virtual tour of the Vatican (Part 1)

Humour: Kids and Christianity

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the Bible even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a Catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children.

They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.

I dare you to pick a favorite!


• IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

• ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AN ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

• LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

• THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

• SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

• SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

• MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

• THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

• THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

• THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

• MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

• THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

• DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

• SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

• WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

• WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

• JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

• ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

• JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

• IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

• THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

• THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

• ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

• ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

• CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.