Jokes

1. Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a
double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus; the blonde team rides on the top level..

The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles..

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"


2. A pickpocket in court

A pickpocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.

The judge said, "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100."

The lawyer stood up and said, "Thank you, your honor. My client only has $75
on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd..."


3. The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You b*stard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law
to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You b*stard!" The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with
contempt. Is that understood?"

The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that b*stard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."



4. A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."

The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, " How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."

The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How
long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half."

The guy leaves. The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in
the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house."