CubicVR 360° with Flashplayer9

Show your panoramas with the most ubiquitous plugin on the internet.

From the website:
KeyFeatures:
- Application properties
- change cube from javascript
- customizable splashscreen
- customizable keymap (turn, zoom)
- constrain horizontal (if no sky, floor is defined)
- low render-resolution while moving (for slower computer)
- switchable motion blur
- field of view (camera eyeangle)
Cube properties
- define more than one cube in the config.xml
- texture settings: size, blur
- url for each cube side (supports gif, png, jpg, swf)
HotSpot properties
- simply defined by a x, y coordinates on a texture
- allowing 2 different actions
- - open URL
- - navigate to another cube definition

Read more at this website.

8BitBoy - A Flash based Amiga Modplayer

MODs have special attributes. All samples are stored in 8bits and the number of voices is limited to four. To have something similarly to chords, the three notes of it are repeated very fast. This makes MODs sound so freaky.
8Bitboy behaves like a normal Media player. Press Play. Get the context menu (right click) for enabling StereoEnhancer and BassBoost. You can (un-)mute channels by CTRL + [1-4].
Download and read more at this link.

Lemur - control surface for audio and media applications

The Lemur is a top of the range control surface for audio and media applications, that breaks from the prior art on several grounds. Its major innovation consists in its brilliant modular graphic interface concept and its exclusive multitouch sensor technology. The continiously growing palette of configurable graphic objects enables you to design made-to-measure interfaces by using the free available JazzEditor. This endows the Lemur with the unique and protocol independant capacity to adapt its behavior according to the application you are controlling: sequencers, modular synthesizers, virtual instruments, VJ software, 3D animation tools and light control.
The Lemur is provided with a built-in fast ethernet interface, allowing direct connection to a single computer or to a whole network. The Lemur can send and receive all types of MIDI data, offering out-of-the-box compatibility with any MIDI software.
The Lemur provides plain sailing operation and straightforward usability. The Lemur not only is the most powerful multi-purpose controller available on the market, but it is by far the easiest to set up. Thanks to the JazzEditor, its user-friendly and easy adaptable cross-platform interface editor, you will not only keep control over your projects but efficiently be able to match your specific needs. Beyond that, the Lemur conceals a great number of advanced features that hold the promise of an ever-widening field of new application areas.
Read more at the website.

DEXTER - taking music to a new technological level

From the website, DEXTER, by JazzMutant, redefines the very interaction between digital audio workstations and users. This laptopsized control surface has been designed with only one purpose in mind : making user experience more pleasant, playful and efficient. Dexter brings the power of digital audio workstations to your fingertips, in a creative and user-friendly manner. For the first time, controlling DAWs feels natural instead of adding an intermediate level of complexity. In a word, Dexter amounts to what DAW users have been awaiting for years : a Controller. At last.
At the foundation of Dexter’s groundbreaking concept lies JazzMutant’s patented Multitouch Display Technology. Unlike traditional touch-sensitive displays, Dexter’s sensor lets your ten fingers perform simultaneous actions on-screen with great responsiveness. While this means basic operations like levelling multiple tracks are perfectly possible with Dexter, this also allows for novel and intuitive ways to navigate inside a project and interact with its various aspects like equalizers, inserts and surround panning. Dexter's virtual widgets are immune to wear-out, and make DAW controlling feel and look natural.
Visit the website.

reactable - collaborative electronic music instrument

The reactable is a collaborative electronic music instrument with a tabletop tangible multi-touch interface. Several simultaneous performers share complete control over the instrument by moving and rotating physical objects on a luminous round table surface. By moving and relating these objects, representing components of a classic modular synthesizer, users can create complex and dynamic sonic topologies, with generators, filters and modulators, in a kind of tangible modular synthesizer or graspable flow-controlled programming language.

The reactable intends to be:

- collaborative: several performers (locally or remotely)
- intuitive: zero manual, zero instructions
- sonically challenging and interesting
- learnable and masterable (even for children)
- suitable for novices (installations) and advanced electronic musicians (concerts)

Sounds great; learn more at this site

Tribler - file sharing client for Internet TV

From the site, software for video file sharing that has a basic understanding of human friendships, of user tastes in content, and of Internet connectivity between users. Tribler is based on Bittorrent. The Bittorrent protocol designed by Bram Cohen works great and currently dominates the traffic on the Internet backbone, but it lacks many features that may be very useful. We are improving this protocol with over a dozen people with such features which go way beyond the original. We are extending the code from the ABC project. Note that we are not officially connected with the original author of Bittorrent.
Integrated keyword search (torrents, youtube, liveleak) & browse for newest content, most popular, recommended and much more. Fast downloading, play while downloading, integrated video player.
The name Tribler stems from the word Tribe, referring to the usage of social networks in this P2P client. The first version of Tribler was a small enhancement on the ABC (Yet Another BitTorrent Client), leaked out on the web on February 26, 2006.

Download from this link.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT CHICKENS & EGGS

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT CHICKENS & EGGS -

BASIC TERMS
POULTRY- Domesticated birds used for the production of meat & eggs (includes chickens, turkeys, geese ducks, etc). CHICKEN (species)- A bird domesticated for egg and meat production.Eggs are of various colors depending upon breed. HEN -A female chicken. ROOSTER/COCKEREL-a male chicken. CHICK- baby chicken (of either sex). PULLET- a young hen. CAPON- A castrated rooster.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BROWN EGGS AND WHITE EGGS?
The main difference is in the breed of chicken. Nutritionally, they can be the same. That depends on feeding and management. White eggs are usually the most popular commercially because the chickens (usually white leghorns)are smaller and more feed efficient. The large commercial operations are "battery" or cage operations with one
or two birds to a small cage. In home flocks they may be treated much differently.98% of commercial operations are cage raised according to the United Poultry Producers.

HOW OFTEN DOES A CHICKEN LAY AN EGG?
Some references list the egg laying interval as 27 hours. However that number is across all breeds, all conditions, etc.(If this were true, in practice we would have to alter egg collection by 3 hours each day. This is just not so!) In general, a chicken lays an egg every 24 hours.

ARE CHICKENS VEGETARIANS?
No, not by choice but only as foisted on them by their human "keepers". A chicken free ranging in the yard/field will eat many insects, worms etc. I have even witnessed them eating mice that they encounter. That is like a fight over the last 'hot' christmas gift on Dec 24th or an active rugby game. Watching them fight over
and run with the poor mouse in the beak is amazing. They will also eat their own eggs if cracked- all these are animal products.

IF I HAVE AN OLD EGG IN THE REFRIGERATOR, DO I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT CONTAINING A DEVELOPING CHICK?
No. A chick will only develop from a fertilized egg. Secondly, if the egg were refrigerated, that would also prevent the development of a chick in a fertilized egg. Eggs must be incubated at about 93 degrees for 21 days to produce a chick.

DO YOU NEED A ROOSTER TO GET EGGS FROM A CHICKEN?
No. A rooster is only needed if you want fertilized eggs. Just imagine how you would get a rooster to service all those hens in battery cages! As usual very few male animals are needed except for meat purposes.

THE HEALTH FOOD STORES SAY FERTILIZED EGGS ARE BETTER FOR YOU. IS THIS TRUE?
Imagine that the size of a sperm is much less than a grain of salt. Would you expect a grain of salt to be able to flavor the whole egg? Could you tell the difference? I doubt it. Refrigeration slows development of the embryo and therefore there is no more than the difference of the grain of salt. Why pay any more for that miniscule
a difference?

SOME PEOPLE CLAIM THEIR CHICKENS DIET IS FREE OF ALL ANIMAL PRODUCTS. HOW CAN THAT BE TRUE?
It is not something they can prove 100%! We divide matter up into 3 categories - animal, vegetable and mineral. Animal includes all critters that can move on their own- this includes oysters (we use oyster shell for grit and extra calcium), insects and other critters. If a chicken breaks an egg they usually will eat it. If they catch a mouse in their travels they will rarely pass it up as a meal! The
more free range a hen is, the more likely she will have animal products in her diet! The Federal Govt. forbids PROTEIN PRODUCTS OF RUMINANTS (cow, sheep, goat) to be included in chicken feeds (not ALL animal byproducts)

WHY WOULD A HEN LAY AN UNFERTILIZED EGG?
Beats me! It's just the way mother nature operates! It's probably because as the eggs develop, they are too large to remain inside the hen.

HOW DOES A HEN FERTILIZE AN EGG?
When a rooster mates with a hen, the semen is stored in the oviduct for later use. When she gets ready to lay the egg, a sperm fertilizes the egg before the shell surrounds it. The sperm is viable for about a month in the oviduct.

HOW OLD DOES A HEN HAVE TO BE TO START LAYING EGGS?
Generally speaking, about 20 to 26 weeks. However, there are other factors that may affect it- breed of chicken, weather, time of year, etc. I have had a spring chicken start as young as 16 weeks.

HOW MANY EGGS DOES A HEN LAY BEFORE SHE SITS ON THEM?
This is more complicated than it seems! There are usually only about one nest box for every 4-8 hens, they share nests. Hence, the eggs a hen sets on may not all be hers! If she is able to sit on a clutch of 8-10 eggs for any length of time, she may decide to "go broody" and try to hatch them. The process takes about 21 days during which she stops laying. Therefore we collect eggs as soon as possible, to prevent her from becoming broody, and going out of production.

WHAT IS MEANT BY GRADE AA AND GRADE A EGGS?
Egg quality is judged by the size of the air pocket at the top of the egg and the stiffness of the white of the egg. It is usually determined by candling (Passing a bright light through a small hole in the "candler" through the shell of the egg). White eggs are easily candled. Brown eggs are more difficult.The smaller the air pocket and the stiffer the white, the higher the quality. Because the shell is
porous, the white can evaporate over time, increasing the size of the air pocket. Commercial eggs are usually sprayed with a fine mist of oil to prolong shelf life.

WHAT IS A FREE RANGE OR FREE ROAMING EGG?
The eggs are so active we have to cut off their legs to keep them in the carton. Just kidding! It's a matter of sloppy English. What is meant is that the hens are able to run around outside usually in a field or pen. It's the Chicken not the Egg that is free-range! The big question is, are the eggs laid in a nestbox or were they collected from wherever she laid them. If not laid in the nest boxes, then you
have to guess how old they are. Another consideration is feed. Plenty of lush grass tends to fill up the hen with less nutritious food. A certain level of protein (16%) is required for good egg production. Pasture fed chickens must have a higher percentage feed than normal to produce similar quality eggs. Does a woman fill up on lettuce when nursing a child? No, she needs to watch her food intake to produce
milk. There is always a balancing act.

WHAT IS MEANT BY DEBEAKING AND WHY IS IT SO COMMON?
Debeaking is a misnomer. It should be called "blunting". It is done right after the chick is hatched by burning the tip of the beak electrically, preventing the development of the sharp point of the beak. At the time it causes less stress than cutting a baby's umbilical cord. Chickens tend to be bullies and pick on each other,
hence , "pecking order". The result is that they destroy the feathers, mostly on the rear of the bird. If a chicken complains, it only excites the others to pick even more, ultimately resulting in death. This does not end it -they will pick the flesh off, until there is just bone left. Even with plenty of space available, this is a
problem. Hence for their own protection, most producers blunt the beak for a healthier flock.

Keep it simple

Problem 1: -

When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (Ink won't flow down to the writing surface).

Solution A: - In order to solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees.

Solution B: - And what did Russians do ?? The Russians used a Pencil !!!

Problem 2: -

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan 's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

Solution A: - The engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so.

Solution B: - But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral of the story: "Keep It Short & Simple!!!” i.e. always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problem. So, learn to focus on solutions not on problems!

What NOT To Give Her For Valentines Day

What NOT To Give Her For Valentines Day

1. A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the caramel ones.

2. Any food item with the words "diet," "light," or "high fiber" on the label.

3. Any video starring Sylvester Stallone or Jim Carrey.

4. Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's.

5. Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.

6. A gift certificate.

7. Cash.

8. Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn't.

9. An apologetic look and the words "That was today?"

Jokes

1. George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' and he said 'no'. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. 'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now
because I just shot them.' Then he hung up.
Within five minutes six police cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a* *paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George: 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!' George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'



2. Kitchen Clues for Clueless

BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface Of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread Has turned into a
pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.

CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.

CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the Expiration date.

CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage Cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and Can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is bleu cheese but you Realize you've never purchased that kind.

EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if You live with someone or have a maid.

EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend More on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.

FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.

FROZEN FOODS: Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will Probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

LETTUCE: Iceberg lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without sandpaper.

Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid.

MAYONNAISE: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.

MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes all stray animals within a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.

POTATOES: Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

RAISINS: Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.

SALT: It never spoils.

UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally Speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or near your refrigerator to gauge this.

What Do You Call...

What Do You Call...

* What do you call cheese that isn't yours? - Nacho cheese

* What do you get from a pampered cow? - Spoiled milk

* What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

* What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? - Sanka

* What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? – Quattro Sinko!

* Where do you find a dog with no legs? - Right where you left him

* What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack

* What do you call a young woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen

* Why don't blind people skydive? It scares the crap out of the dog.

Differences

Differences

Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

A: A genealogist looks up the family tree, and a gynecologist looks up the family bush.

Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?

A: They both make you wait an hour for a five minute ride.

Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?

A: A pick pocket snatches watches.

Q: How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?

A: It's not hard.

Q: Why don't Baptists make love standing up?

A: Because it might lead to dancing.

Q: What is the difference between a woman and a computer?

A: A woman will not take a 3.5 inch floppy.

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Jokes

1. A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly.

On his face was the saddest hangdog expression.

The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

The bartender said, "That should make you happy."

The man said, "Not if the month is up today!"


2. Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby.

I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my grandchild's birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to my co-workers.

"I'm a grandmother!" I declared. "It's a baby girl, and she weighs five pounds."

"When was she born?" someone asked.

Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar, and said in amazement, "Tomorrow!"

Lawyers forming a jury

A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial.

It was nearly 4 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty.

He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.

The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom.

The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty.

The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and
sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?"

The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"

Jokes

1. After she woke up, a woman told her husband,

"I just had a dream that you gave me the most beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said with a smile.

The woman could hardly think of anything else all day and she couldn't wait for her husband to return home.

That evening, the man finally came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it excitedly to find a book entitled...

"The Meaning of Dreams"


2. Never underestimate illiterates’...!!!!

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"

The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and
decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly ma nag ed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."



3. How to speak New Zealand

Say out loud for full effect!

Milburn -Melbourne. capital of Victoria

Peck -Pack. to fill a suitcase

Pissed aside -Pesticide chemical which kills insects

Pigs -Pegs for hanging out washing with

Pump -Pimp to act as agent for prostitute

Pug -Pig large animal with a curly tail

Nin tin dough -Nintendo. computer game

Munner stroney -Minestronie. soup

Min -Men. male of the species

Mess Kara -Mascara eye makeup

McKennock -Machanic. person who fixes cars

Mere - Mayor

Leather -Lather foam produced from soap

Lift -Left. departed

Kiri Pecker -Kerry Packer. famous Australian businessman

Kittle crusps - potato chips

Ken's - Cairns

Jumbo - pet name for someone called Jim

Jungle Bills - Christmas carol

Inner me - enemy

Guess -Gas. vapour

Fush -Fish. marine creatures

Fitter cheney -Fetticini. type of pasta

Ever cardeau - avocado

Fear hear -Fair hair. blonde

Ear -Air mix of nitrogen and oxygen

Ear roebucks -Aerobics. exercise at the gym

Duffy cult -Difficult. not easy

Amejen - Imagine.visualise

Day old chuck -Chick very young poultry

Bug hut -Big Hit. popular recording

Bun button - been bitten by insect

Beard -Bed a place to sleep

Sucks Peck -Six Pack. Half a dozen beers

Ear New Zulland -Air New Zealand. an extinct airline

Beers -Bears. large savage animals found in U.S. forests

Veerjun - mythical New Zealand maiden

One Doze -Windows. well known computer program

Brudge -Bridge. structure spanning a stream

Sex -Six. one less than sivven

Tin - Ten.one more than nine

Iggs Ecktly - Exactly.Precisely

Earplane -Aeroplane. large flying machine

Beggage Chucken -Baggage checkin. place to leave your suitcase at the earport Sivven

Sucks Sivven -Six Seven. large Boeing aircraft Sivven Four Sivven - larger Boeing aircraft

Cuds -Kids. children

Pits - Pets.domestic animals

Cuttin -Kitten. baby cat

Munce -Mince. usually served on toast


4. A cowboy went to buy an insurance policy. The agent asked, "Have you ever had an accident?"

"Nope," replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a bronc kicked in two of my ribs...and a couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit me on the ankle."

"Wouldn't you call those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled agent.

"Naw," the cowboy replied. "They did it on purpose!"

Recipe: Creamy Center Cupcakes

SERVINGS: 24
CATEGORY: Dessert
METHOD: Baked
TIME: Prep: 45 min. + cooling
Ingredients:
1 package (18-1/4 ounces) devil's food cake mix
3/4 cup shortening
2/3 cup confectioners' sugar
1 cup marshmallow creme
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cans (16 ounces each) chocolate frosting

Directions:
Prepare and bake cake according to package directions for cupcakes, using paper-lined muffin cups. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pans to wire racks to cool completely.
Meanwhile in a large mixing bowl, cream shortening and sugar. Add marshmallow creme and vanilla; mix well.
Insert a very small pastry tip into a pastry or plastic bag; fill with cream
filling. Insert tip halfway into the center of each cupcake and fill with a small amount. Frost with chocolate frosting. Yield: 2 dozen.

Banana Bread Recipe

Banana Bread Recipe

2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup solid vegetable shortening
1 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs, beaten
3 ripe bananas
4 teaspoons sour cream

Preheat oven to 350F.
Grease a loaf pan.
Sift flour, baking soda, and salt, set aside.
Cream shortening and sugar together.
Beat eggs and mash bananas together then add to creamed sugar and shortening.
Add flour mixture alternately with sour cream and beat until smooth.
Pour into pan and about 1 hour or until done.
Cool.

17 year old daughter

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

Johnny and his train

Little Johnny’s mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train.

Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember that there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the B1TCH in the kitchen!"

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A NURSE IF

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A NURSE IF

* You occasionally park in the space with the 'Physicians Only' sign, and knock it over.

* You always follow the rules, but you're wise enough to forget them sometimes.

* You have seen more moons than the Hubbell telescope.

* You own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.

* You believe that saying, 'It can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can.

Windows system backup / restore

Q: I have a computer, how can I configure so the back up points happen more frequently please? Specially if I have a problem and want an earlier backup.

Ans: Go to Start / All Programs / Accessories / System Tools / System Restore. It will ask you if you want to restore or make a backup point. Select Restore, and it will present a calendar of previous backup points. Pick one before the day you first noticed the problem and let it restore from there.

BUMPER STICKERS

BUMPER STICKERS

1. Constipated people don't give a shit.

2. Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself.

3. If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.

4. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

5. If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

6. Please tell your pants its not polite to point.

7. If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better.

8. My kid got your honour roll student pregnant.

9. Thank you for pot smoking.

10. To all you virgins thanks for nothing.

11. If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counselling.

12. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".

13. If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

14. Horn broken...watch for finger.

EIGHTEEN RANDOM RULES OF LIFE

EIGHTEEN RANDOM RULES OF LIFE

I love maxims – those concise capsules of worldly wisdom. I collect them and write them and, of course, love to share them. Here are 18 random rules of life worth posting on your mirror or, better yet, why not use them as dinner-time discussion starters?

1. Find the lesson in every failure, and you'll never fail.

2. The likelihood you're right is not increased by the intensity of your conviction.

3. Real friends help you feel worthy and make you want to be better.

4. When you're in a hole, stop digging.

5. Don’t confuse fun with fulfillment, or pleasure with happiness.

6. Refusing to let go of a grudge is refusing to use the key that will set you free.

7. Hating hurts you more than the person you hate.

8. Counting on luck is counting on random chance; your odds are much better when you plan and work.

9. It's better to be kind than clever.

10. Don't underestimate the power of persistence.

11. The easy way is rarely the best way.

12. It's much easier to burst someone else's bubble than blow up your own.

13. You can't avoid pain, but you can avoid suffering.

14. Self-pity is a losing strategy; it repels others and weakens you.

15. Short cuts usually produce short success.

16. Control your attitude or it will control you.

17. It's more important to be significant than successful.

18. The world is waiting for you to heal it.

Joke

LETTERS FROM WOMEN DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER

----> Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

----> Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on My VCR?

----> Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

----> Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

----> Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

----> Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised a Christian turn against his upbringing.

----> Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

----> Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.

----> Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in Sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Joke

1. A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"
The mother answered; "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made."

Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered; "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her mother and says; "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Dad says we developed from monkeys?"

The mother answers, "Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."


2. Before marriage....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?

He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.



3. A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than a cop from Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.
The deputy says, "License and registration, please."
"What for?" says the lawyer.
The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
"You still didn't come to a complete stop " Says the deputy. "License and registration, please."
The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
"The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says.
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"


4. A blonde wanted to go ice fishing.
She'd seen many books on the subject And, finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Startled, the blonde moved farther down the ice, poured a thermos of Cappuccino and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens The voice bellowed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The blonde, now worried, moved clear down to the opposite end of the Ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
She stopped, looked skyward, and asked, "IS THAT YOU, LORD?"
The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."

A beautiful story about vision

The train has started moving. It is packed with people of all ages, mostly with the working men and women and young college guys and gals. Near the window, seated a old man with his 30 year old son. As the train moves by, the son is overwhelmed with joy as he was thrilled with the scenery outside..

" See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is very beautiful"

This behavior from a thirty year old son made the other people feel strange about him. Every one started murmuring something or other about this son."This guy seems to be a crack.." newly married Anup whispered to his wife.

Suddenly it started raining... Rain drops fell on the travelers through the opened window. The Thirty year old son , filled with joy " see dad, how beautiful the rain is .."

Anup's wife got irritated with the rain drops spoiling her new suit. She said, "Anup, cant you see its raining? you old man, if ur son is not feeling well get him soon to a mental asylum..and dont disturb public henceforth".

The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied " we are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning , he was a blind by birth, last week only he got his vision, these rain and nature are new to his eyes.. Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused..."

The things we see may be right from our perspective until we know the truth. But when we know the truth our reaction to that will hurt even us. So try to understand the problem better before taking a harsh action.

Signs You're Having A Bad Day

Signs You're Having A Bad Day

You had trouble getting out of bed

You washed your hair and couldn't do a thing with it

You feel like you have a hangover and wasn't even drinking
last night

Your new diet doesn't seem to be working

You pulled a muscle when you tried to exercise

Your new hat looked better on you at the store

Your old hat doesn't seem quite right either

The dry cleaners shrunk your favorite outfit

You keep losing things

You have a stiff neck

The boss chewed you out at work

You got caught in the rain at lunchtime

The lunch you had didn't seem to agree with you

You feel trapped

Traffic on the way home was brutal

Uninvited guests showed up at dinnertime

Dinner left you feeling a bit queasy

You think you're coming down with the flu

You're alone in the house at night and you hear a noise in the basement

Valentine's day

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and kisses!

What would you get if you crossed Odie with the god of love?
A stupid cupid!

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine's Day!

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!

What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
"I'm sweet on you!"

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
"I find you very attractive."

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!

What would you call a woman who goes out with Jon?
Desperate!

What did one pickle say to the other?
"You mean a great dill to me."

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you!

What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
"I love you a ton!"

What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
"You're fun to hang around with."

Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion!

What did the pencil say to the paper?
"I dot my i's on you!"

Liz: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Jon: "Really?"
Liz: "Yeah, you make me sick!"

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn't suit his taste!

Joke

One day a mother was out and the dad was in charge. The little one was maybe one and a half years old. Someone had given her a little tea set as a gift and it was one of her favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the toddler bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

Mom waited, and sure enough, here comes baby down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?'

Bad jokes

Compound Word Riddles
Q: How does the CIA know what people say in their sleep?

A: They plant bedbugs.

Q: Where do cars go when it gets hot?

A: To a carpool.

Q: What does the dog catcher give dogs on their birthdays?

A: Poundcake.

Q: Who stands behind home plate waiting for someone to throw him a dog?

A: A dogcatcher.

Q: Why is the bluebird blue?

A: Because the mockingbird is always mocking him.

Q: What do you get if you cross a pit bull with a snowman?

A: A frostbite.

Q: What do you call a sparrow in a tornado?

A: A whirlybird.

Q: Why doesn't the army let chickens be soldiers?

A: Because the chickens would get eaten in the foxholes.

Q: What do you get if you cut off a lion's mane while he's sleeping?

A: A wildcat.

Q: Why did the cowboy send his horse up in a rocket?

A: Because he wanted to see a horsefly.

Q: What horses swim the best?

A: Seahorses.

Q: What time is it when you have to find the sum of two numbers?

A: Summertime.

Q: When astronauts get married, where do they go?

A: On honeymoons.

Q: Where do duck beak sellers advertise their goods?

A: On billboards.

Q: What kind of dog has the most ticks?

A: A watchdog.

Q: What insect did Dorothy see in the tornado?

A: A housefly.

Q: We know that it sometimes rains cats and dogs, but what do you call it when it rains ducks?

A: A downpour.

Q: What time is it when you turn into a frog?

A: Springtime.

Q: What do you get if you cover your steps with ducks?

A: Downstairs.

Q: When do bad days usually fall apart?

A: At daybreak.

Q: How did the car owner feel when his car ran over him?

A: Rundown.

Q: What did Tom Thumb do for a living?

A: He was a handyman.

Q: What instrument did the wolf use to knock down the second little pigs house?

A: A woodwind.

Q: Where did the giant want to cook Jack?

A: In a jackpot.

Q: What did the lion tamer die of?

A: Catnip.

Q: What do chickens grow on?

A: Eggplants.

Q: What kind of nail do carpenter's avoid?

A: Fingernails.

Q: What part of a newspaper do angry people like best?

A: The crossword puzzle.

Q: Who did the fairy godmother provide to guard Cinderella's glass slippers?

A: The footmen.

Q: Why did the firechief ban fireflies from the forest?

A: Because they're firebugs.

Q: Why doesn't the union like dockworkers who work for nothing?

A: Because they're freeloaders.

Q: Why don't seismologists have many friends?

A: Because they're faultfinders.

Some Silly Compound Word Riddles

Q: Why did Mr. Silly ask a witch to turn him into a frog?

A: Because he wanted to be a navy frogman.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly build his house out of balsa wood?

A: Because he wanted to live in a lighthouse.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly burn his rifle?

A: Because he wanted to hear gunfire.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly bury his cow and his dishes?

A: Because he wanted to grow buttercups.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly buy an octopus?

A: Because he wanted to build an armchair.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly buy the Florida Keys?

A: Because he'd heard that Kansas is landlocked.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly drop bubble gum from a skyscraper?

A: Because he wanted to see a gumdrop.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly eat a pound of sugar?

A: Because he wanted to have a sweetheart.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly feed grass to his pet frog?

A: So it would be a grasshopper.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly feed his wristwatch to his puppy?

A: Because he wanted a watchdog.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly get on his knees?

A: So he could eat his shortcake.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly keep a key in his mouth?

A: In case he got lockjaw.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly nail his store to the ground?

A: So a shoplifter wouldn't pick it up and carry it away.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly paint his friend blue?

A: Because he wanted a trueblue friend.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly put a lion in an airplane?

A: Because he wanted to create an uproar.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly put a mast on his house?

A: Because he wanted his house to be shipshape.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly put an umbrella in his ear?

A: Because he was planning to do some brainstorming.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly put his cat on a Xerox machine?

A: Because he wanted a copycat.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly put his shoe in his ear?

A: So he could listen to his shoehorn.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly stick drumsticks in his ears?

A: So he could play his eardrums.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly swallow a fire extinguisher?

A: To put out his heartburn.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly swallow a kettle?

A: Because he wanted to have a potbelly.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly take a fishing pole to the moon?

A: So he could catch starfish.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly take his goldfish to a bowling alley?

A: Because he wanted to see a fishbowl.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly water his chickens?

A: So he could grow eggplants.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly wear plastic clothes?

A: So his raincoat wouldn't get him wet.

Q: Why wouldn't Mr. Silly take his bluejay for a walk?

A: Because it's against the law to jaywalk.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly tie a million helium balloons to his house?

A: Because he wanted to see a housefly.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly play the piano with his feet?

A: Because he wanted to hear footnotes.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly want a typewriter put in his coffin when he died?

A: Because he wanted to be a ghostwriter.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly keep a tight hold on his wife's hands?

A: He'd heard his neighbors like to eat ladyfingers.

Q: Why did Mr. Silly take a shield with him when he went fishing?

A: In case he caught a swordfish.

Q: What happened to Mr. Silly's snowshoes?

A: They melted.

Jokes

1. Sam's barn burned down and his wife, Jane, called the insurance company. Jane spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that dang-on barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured and then we'll provide you with another barn, just like the original one."

There was a long pause, and then Jane replied, "If that's how it works, I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband.


2. A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini.

The man downed it with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar.

The bartender picked up the five-dollar bill, and folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket.

Just at that moment he looked up at the boss standing in the doorway staring at him.

Doing a bit of fast thinking he said, "Hi boss, did you see that fellow just now? Came in here, bought a double martini, gave me a five dollar tip, and rushed out without paying."


3. NEW AUSSIE SLANG DICTIONARY
Cleaner version

AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached or dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

BEER COAT
The invisible, but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

BEER COMPASS
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you got there, and where you've come from.

BEER SCOOTER
The ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it i.e. "I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught the beer scooter".

BOBFOC
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please, Doreen".

DRINK-LINK
A modern term for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.

GOING FOR A McSHIT
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is called a "McShit With Lies".

GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nothing in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-pinter in your bed instead.

NBR (NO BEERS REQUIRED)
Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-pinter.

NELSON MANDELA
Rhyming slang for "Stella" (the lager).

PEARL HARBOUR
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour out there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip' in the air.

PICASSO ARSE
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's
got 4 buttocks.

SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman

TART FUEL
Bottled Alcopops, e.g Hooch, regularly consumed by young woman.

TEN-PINTER
Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.

X-PILES
Unwanted visitors from Uranus.



4. A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."
"Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."
"Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's papers will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride?"
"A Harley Davidson.... "
The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page:
BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.

HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your PC.

2. Name it "Housework."

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework
permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7. Feel better?

Jokes

1. Jesus was standing on a hill talking to his people. ''He who hath not sinned, cast the first stone."

Just then a stone came flying from the back of the crowd and hit him hard on the head.

''Ouch, Mom! I hate when you do that!"


2. In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with time. "For example," he said, "take the 1921 Miss America . She stood five feet, one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?"

The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well."

"Why is that?" asked the professor.

"For one thing," the student pointed out, "She'd be way too old."


3. Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."



4. A new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

Going To Walmart

Going To Walmart

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something required to complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".

In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. You don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.

Highway speeds

A State Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as usual. The officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back (wide eyed and white as ghosts). The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... twenty two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 was the highway number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 130."

Chain mail statistics

Why You Shouldn't Respond To Chain Mail

If you send this message off to 20 people within the next 4 days, and each of them send this letter off to 20 other people within 4 days...

In 40 days, approximately 10 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet.

From day 40 to day 44, an additional 200 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet, at an average of 50 trillion messages per day.

From day 44 to 48, an additional 4,000 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet, at an average of 1,000 trillion messages a day, 41.7 trillion messages per hour, 694 billion messages per minute, or 11.6 billion messages per second.

Of course, the Internet will have ground to a complete halt way before then, and a good thing too, because by day 44 (assuming each man, woman and child in the world is tied to the Internet) you would have to respond to about 2 chain mail letters per second, sending off 20 responses each second, giving you 5/100 of a second to send each message. If you drop the ball, you will break about 1,800,000 chain letters per day, bringing almost two million times the bad luck upon yourself than if you broke the first chain letter to begin with.

The logical conclusion? It is better to break the initial chain letter and receive one dose of bad luck than to continue the chain letter, and by day 44, receive 1,800,000 doses of bad luck.

I knew one poor fellow who ended up in such a circumstance. He ended up having 287,345 heart attacks, losing 5,137 wives, got fired from at least 100,000 jobs, was run over by 17 trucks and was in 9 plane crashes. His Visa card was also revoked. Nobody liked him anymore. He finally ended up committing suicide 459 times, but he was so unlucky, he was never successful at it. Finally, he resigned to the idea of not dying, and was immediately hit by a meteorite and vaporized.

Creations suite of application: Aviary

Aviary is a suite of web-based applications (RIAs) for people who create. From image editing to typography to music to 3D to video, we have a tool for artists of all genres. Currently available in Beta testing.

Tools available: Image Editor, Color swatches and palettes creator , Computer algorithm-based pattern generator, Vector editor, 3D Modeller and skinner, Audio editor, Music generator, Video editor, Desktop publishing layout editor, Word processing software geared towards creative writers, Painting simulator, Terrain generator (minitool), Font editor, Smart image resizer using seam carving (minitool), Digital content marketplace and Custom image product creator.

Available at this link.

Free disk space & protect your privacy

CleanUp! is a powerful and easy-to-use application that removes temporary files created while surfing the web, empties the Recycle Bin, deletes files from your temporary folders and more.

CleanUp! frees disk space and reduces the "clutter" on your computer helping it to run more efficiently. It also can be used as a way to protect your privacy on the Internet. You can even instruct CleanUp! to securely delete files making it impossible to retrieve their contents using lower-level disk tools - just another way of protecting your privacy.

CleanUp! deletes traces of you Internet activity that get stored on your hard disk. These things include:

* Browser cache
* Browser History
* Cookies
* Bookmarks and Favorites. Deletion of these is optional and disabled by default.

CleanUp! provides full support for the three most popular browsers used under Windows: Internet Explorer (versions 1.x-6.x), Netscape Navigator/Communicator (versions 1.x-7.x), Mozilla (1.x), Firefox (1.x) and Opera (versions 2.x-7.x).

Find more details and the download over here.

EasyCleaner: Cleans the Windows registry

EasyCleaner is a small program which searches the Windows registry for entries that are pointing nowhere. EasyCleaner also lets you delete all kinds of unnecessary files such as temps and backups. You can search for duplicate files and you can view some interesting info about your disk space usage! You are also able to manage startup programs, invalid shortcuts and add/remove software list.

# Finds invalid registry entries ----> deleting them speeds up your computer!
# Finds duplicate files ----> deleting them will free disk space!
# Finds all unnecessary files like backups, temps etc. ----> deleting them will free disk space!
# Finds all invalid shortcuts ----> deleting them will free disk space and increase usability!
# Manage programs starting at Windows startup! ----> who knows, you might even catch a virus before it gets serious!
# Manage Windows add/remove software listing!
# Easily remove Internet Explorer's temporary Internet files, history and cookies!

Find it at this link.

Recipe: Rich Peanut Butter Cookies

Rich Peanut Butter Cookies

Makes about 2 dozen
Peanut butter chips are the secret flavor boost in these otherwise traditional cookies.

Ingredients:

1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup butter or margarine softened
1 egg
1 1/4 cups Gold Medal all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup peanut butter chips
Granulated sugar

Instructions:
1. Heat oven to 375°F. In large bowl, beat brown sugar, peanut butter, butter and egg with electric mixer on medium speed until creamy, or mix with spoon. Stir in flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Stir in peanut butter chips.
2. Shape dough into 1 1/2-inch balls. Dip tops of balls into granulated sugar. Place balls, sugared sides up, about 3 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheet (do not flatten).
3. Bake cookies 9 to 10 minutes or until light brown. Cool 5 minutes; remove from cookie sheet to wire rack.

Recipe: Crock Pot Apple Dessert

Crock Pot Apple Dessert

6 apples, peeled and sliced
2/3 cup raw oatmeal
2/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup flour
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp ginger
1/3 cut butter, melted

Mix oatmeal, sugar, flour and spices in a small bowl. Stir melted butter into mixture until it is crumbly. Put about half of sliced apples in crock pot and spoon about half of oatmeal mixture on top. Cover with the rest of the apples and top with the rest of the crumbly mixture. Cook on high about 2 1/2 hours.

IBM BIOS password bypass

Passwords
As many as three passwords may be needed for any ThinkPad computer: the power-on password (POP), the hard-disk password (HDP), and the supervisor password (SVP).
If any of these passwords has been set, a prompt for it appears on the screen whenever the computer is turned on. The computer does not start until the password is
entered.
Exception: If only an SVP is installed, the password prompt does not appear when the operating system is booted.

Power-on password:
A power-on password (POP) protects the system from being powered on by an unauthorized person. The password must be entered before an operating system can
be booted.

Hard-disk password:
There are two hard-disk passwords (HDPs):
1. User HDP--for the user
2. Master HDP--for the system administrator, who can use it to get access to the hard disk even if the user has changed the user HDP
Note: There are two modes for the HDP: User only and Master + User. The Master + User mode requires two HDPs; the system administrator enters both in the same operation. The system administrator then provides the user HDP to the system user.
Attention: If the user HDP has been forgotten, check whether a master HDP has been set. If it has, it can be used for access to the hard-disk drive. If no master HDP is
available, IBM does not provide any services to reset either the user or the master HDP, or to recover data from the hard-disk drive. The hard-disk drive can be replaced
for a scheduled fee.

Supervisor password:
A supervisor password (SVP) protects the system information stored in the IBM BIOS Setup Utility. The SVP must be entered in order to get access to the IBM BIOS
Setup Utility and make changes to system configuration settings.
Attention: If the SVP has been forgotten and cannot be made available to the servicer, there is no service procedure to reset the password. The system board must
be replaced for a scheduled fee.

How to remove the power-on password
To remove a POP that you have forgotten, do the following:
(A) If no SVP has been set:
1. Turn off the computer.
2. Remove the battery pack.
3. Remove the backup battery.
4. Turn on the computer and wait until the POST ends.
After the POST ends, the password prompt does not appear. The POP has been removed.
5. Reinstall the backup battery and the battery pack.
(B) If an SVP has been set and is known by the servicer:
1. Turn on the computer by pressing and holding F1.
2. Enter the SVP. The IBM BIOS Setup Utility menu appears.
3. Select Security, using the cursor keys to move down the menu.
4. Select Password.
5. Select Power-On Password.
6. At the Enter Current Password field, enter the SVP.
7. When the Enter New Password field opens, leave it blank and press Enter twice.
8. In the Changes have been saved window, press Enter.
9. Press F10; then, in the Setup confirmation window, select Yes .

How to remove the hard-disk password
Attention: If User only mode is selected and the user HDP has been forgotten and cannot be made available to the servicer, IBM does not provide any services to reset
the user HDPs or to recover data from the hard-disk drive. The hard-disk drive can be replaced for a scheduled fee.
To remove a user HDP that has been forgotten, when the SVP and the master HDP are known, do the following:
1. Power on the computer by pressing and holding F1.
2. Enter the SVP. The IBM BIOS Setup Utility menu appears.
3. Select Security, using the cursor keys to move down the menu.
4. Select Password.
5. Select Hard-disk x password, where x is the letter of the hard-disk drive. A pop-up window opens.
6. Select Master HDP.
7. Enter the master HDP; then leave the New Password field blank and press Enter twice.
8. Press F10.
9. Select Yes in the Setup Configuration window.
Both user HDP and master HDP will have been removed.

Jokes

1. SEX WITH WIFE

John: "So how often do you have sex with your wife?"

Jim: "Oh, four or five times a week."

John: "That's more often than I get it!"

Jim: "Well, it should be... after all, she's *my* wife."


2. AFTER MARRIAGE

After three years of marriage, Amy was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby, " he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit."

Amy promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13....."



3. A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands.

"Carl," she says.

Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps 'cause they're contagious."

"Very good," says the teacher.

Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious."

The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!" Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?"

Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, 'Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"



4. A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.

She lies down on the bed... just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more.

Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager.

The manager says he'll be right up.

The manager is skeptical, but the wife insists the story is true.

"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!"

So he lies down next to the wife.

Just then the husband walks in and says, "What are you doing here!?!"

The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

More facts

Ants don't sleep .

Owls have eyeballs that are tubular in shape, because of this, they cannot move their eyes.

A bird requires more food in proportion to its size than a baby or a cat.

The mouse is the most common mammal in the US.

A newborn kangaroo is about 1 inch in length.

A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.

The Canary Islands were not named for a bird called a canary. They were named after a breed of large dogs. The Latin name was Canariae insulae - "Island of Dogs."

There are 701 types of pure breed dogs.

A polecat is not a cat. It is a nocturnal European weasel.

The animal responsible for the most human deaths world-wide is the mosquito.

The biggest pig in recorded history was Big Boy of Black Mountain, North Carolina, who was weighed at 1,904 pounds in 1939.

Cats respond most readily to names that end in an "ee" sound.

A cat cannot see directly under its nose. This is why the cat cannot seem to find tidbits on the floor.

Pigs, walruses and light-colored horses can be sunburned.

Snakes are immune to their own poison.

An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to Squirt blood 30 feet.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear By 700 times.

Cats have more than one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

The biggest member of the cat family is the male lion, which weighs 528 pounds (240 kilograms).

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

Each day in the US, animal shelters are forced to destroy 30,000 dogs and cats.

A shrimp's heart is in their head.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.

The cat lover is an ailurophile, while a cat hater is an ailurophobe.

A woodpecker can peck twenty times a second.

It may take longer than two days for a chick to break out of its shell.

Dragonflies are one of the fastest insects, flying 50 to 60 mph.

Despite man's fear and hatred of the wolf, it has not ever been proved that a non-rabid wolf ever attacked a human.

There are more than 100 million dogs and cats in the United States.

Americans spend more than 5.4 billion dollars on their pets each year.

Cat's urine glows under a black light .

The largest cockroach on record is one measured at 3.81 inches in length.

It is estimated that a single toad may catch and eat as many as 10,000 insects in the course of a summer.

Amphibians eyes come in a variety shapes and sizes. Some even have square or heart-shaped pupils.

It would require an average of 18 hummingbirds to weigh in at 1 ounce.

Dogs that do not tolerate small children well are the St. Bernard, the Old English sheep dog, the Alaskan malamute, the bull terrier, and the toy poodle.

Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of earth in a day.

Howler monkeys are the noisiest land animals. Their calls can be heard over 2 miles away.

A quarter of the horses in the US died of a vast virus epidemic in 1872.

The fastest bird is the Spine-tailed swift, clocked at speeds of up to 220 miles per hour.

There is no single cat called the panther. The name is commonly applied to the leopard, but it is also used to refer to the puma and the jaguar. A black panther is really a black leopard. A capon is a castrated rooster.

The world's largest rodent is the Capybara. An Amazon water hog that looks like a guinea pig, it can weigh more than 100 pounds.

The poison-arrow frog has enough poison to kill about 2,200 people.

The hummingbird, the loon, the swift, the kingfisher, and the grebe are all birds that cannot walk.

The poisonous copperhead snake smells like fresh cut cucumbers.

A chameleon's tongue is twice the length of its body.

Worker ants may live seven years and the queen may live as long as 15 years.

The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of lobsters is blue.

Cheetahs make a chirping sound that is much like a bird's chirp or a dog's yelp. The sound is so an intense, it can be heard a mile away.

The underside of a horse's hoof is called a frog. The frog peels off several times a year with new growth.

The bloodhound is the only animal whose evidence is admissible in an American court. 98% of brown bears in the United States are in Alaska.

Before air conditioning was invented, white cotton slipcovers were put on furniture to keep the air cool.

The Barbie doll has more than 80 careers.

To make one pound of whole milk cheese, 10 pounds of whole milk is needed.

99% of pumpkins that are sold for decoration.

Every 30 seconds a house fire doubles in size.

The month of December is the most popular month for weddings in the Philippines.

A one ounce milk chocolate bar has 6 mg of caffeine.

Carbon monoxide can kill a person in less than 15 minutes.

The largest ever hailstone weighed over 1kg and fell in Bangladesh in 1986.

Ants can live up to 16 years.

In Belgium, there is a museum that is just for strawberries.

The sense of smell of an ant is just as good as a dog's.

Popped popcorn should be stored in the freezer or refrigerator as this way it can stay crunchy for up to three weeks.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row ! of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men!

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

Recipe: Easy Black Forest cake

Easy Black Forest cake recipe made with a cake mix, cherry pie filling, and whipped cream, along with shaved chocolate.

INGREDIENTS:
1 chocolate cake mix, 2-layer size
2 cups whipping cream or heavy cream
2 tablespoons confectioners' sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 can (21 ounces) cherry pie filling
1 ounce shaved semisweet chocolate

PREPARATION: Prepare chocolate cake following directions on package, making 2 round 9-inch layers. Cool cake thoroughly. In a small bowl, beat the cream with the confectioners' sugar and vanilla until stiff peaks form.
Place one cake layer on a cake plate and spread with about 3/4 cup of the whipped cream. Top with half of the cherry pie filling, then top that with the second chocolate cake layer. Spread the side of the cake with half of the remaining whipped cream. Spoon remaining pie filling on top of cake, keeping it in the center. Spoon or pipe remaining cream around the cherries. Sprinkle the whipped cream around edge with shaved semisweet chocolate.
Serves 12.

Home Remedies for NEUROPATHY

Neuropathy” means “disease of nerve.”

The term “peripheral” means that the disease is occurring to nerve tissue outside the brain and spinal cord. This includes injury of nerves to muscles (motor nerves), nerves from the skin (sensory nerves), and/or nerves to the gut and other internal organs (autonomic nerves).

Peripheral neuropathy is a very broad topic that demands classification for purposes of diagnosis, evaluation, and treatment. An initial distinction may be made between focal and generalized peripheral neuropathies.

A focal neuropathy means only one or, at most, a few nerves are injured. Pain, numbness, and weakness are confined to a single limb or a small region of the trunk or head. Focal neuropathies are typically caused by compression or trauma. Carpal tunnel syndrome, a common syndrome characterized by nighttime numbness and tingling in the hand, is an example of a focal neuropathy. Compression of a major forearm nerve called the median nerve causes this syndrome.

Ad: Book for a better life if suffering from neuropathy:



Generalized neuropathies present as pain, numbness, tingling, and, sometimes, weakness that affect both sides of the body. The feet and toes are commonly affected early in the course of a generalized neuropathy. As discussed in the “Causes of Peripheral Neuropathy” section, generalized neuropathies are often associated with general medical problems. Generalized neuropathies are also called polyneuropathies. I will use these terms interchangeably in Neuropathy 101.

A physician may also classify a neuropathy as being predominantly “axonal” or “demyelinating.” These are technical terms that refer to the microscopic component of the nerve that is being damaged. All nerves that supply muscles and the skin are comprised of microscopic fibers that carry the (electrical) information along the nerve. You may understand this by thinking of all the individual wires inside the main cable that goes to your computer printer. Within these fibers are cores called axons; these are analogous to the copper inside the wires. Most axons are ensheathed in fatty tissue called myelin. Myelin is required for the rapid transmission of signals along the axons. Myelin is analogous to the rubber insulation around wires. Whether a neuropathy is axonal or demyelinating has implications for medical work-up and treatment options. Nerve conduction studies (NCS) are required to distinguish between these two types of neuropathies. Axonal neuropathies are more common
than demyelinationg neuropathies. In order to simplify the subsequent discussion of peripheral neuropathy, I will not distinguish axonal from demyelinating neuropathies; the discussion will apply to both types.

SIGNS & SYMPTOMS

Peripheral neuropathies present as pain, numbness, tingling, and, sometimes, weakness. The initial symptoms generally depend on the nature of the underlying damage to the nerve. Tingling and Other Spontaneous Sensations
Odd spontaneous sensations are often the initial symptom of a peripheral neuropathy. Patients with polyneuropathies often describe the sensation that a thin layer or film is surrounding their toes or the soles of their feet. It may also feel as though something is stuck between the toes. A pins-and-needles sensation may also occur in the feet.

Pain
Pain from a peripheral neuropathy is called neuropathic pain. Burning sensations are very common. Aching or stabbing pain may also occur. Electric shock sensations may go up or down the legs and feet.

Altered Sensations
Tactile sensations are often altered in body regions affected by peripheral neuropathy. Commonly, this manifests as increased sensitivity to pressure. For example, when a patient with polyneuropathy steps on a small pebble, it may feel like a sharp piece of glass is cutting into the sole of their foot. Also, the feet may feel swollen or bound up. Even very light sensations, like bedsheets being drawn across the feet, may cause severe discomfort.

Numbness
Impaired sensation is a feature of almost all peripheral neuropathies. Patients may be unaware of these problems because pain in the affected body region overrides any appreciation of the numbness. Only when the physician applies light touches or a vibrating tuning fork or the sharp end of a pin to the skin does it become clear to everyone that sensation is impaired.

An unfortunate paradox of peripheral neuropathy is that the numbest areas of the body also tend to be the most painful.

Balance Problems
In moderate-to- severe polyneuropathies, balance may be affected. In these cases, sensory fibers that carry information about joint position to the brain have degenerated. This type of sensory information normally allows us to do such things as touch the tip of the nose with a fingertip with closed eyes. We are unconscious of this type of sensation from our limbs.

If a neuropathy leads to impairment of joint position in the legs, the person becomes more dependent on vision for balance. It is for this reason that neuropathy patients have the toughest time with balance when their vision is limited—when, for example, they are shampooing their hair in the shower or walking in the dark.

Weakness
Weakness may occur with any peripheral neuropathy. The region of weakness depends on the type of neuropathy. In polyneuropathies, weakness is usually worst at the ankles and toes.

Urinary, Sweating and Gastrointestinal Problems
Sometimes the nerves to blood vessels, gut, and bladder are diseased in a peripheral neuropathy. Autonomic neuropathy is a more specific name for this type of peripheral neuropathy.

When the nerve supply to blood vessels is diseased, the blood vessels cannot constrict in response to standing to maintain adequate blood pressure. Without this response, the blood pools in dependent body regions and the brain does not receive enough blood flow. This manifests as lightheadedness. The patient must sit or lie down for relief.
When the nerves to the bladder are affected, it may be difficult to fully empty the bladder.

When the nerves to the gut are affected, patients may have either constipation or, sometimes, diarrhea. Patients may feel full even after eating small food portions.
When the nerves to the sweat glands are affected, the pattern and frequency of sweating may be affected.


INCIDENCE & CAUSES

Causes of peripheral neuropathy include:

Medical problems such as diabetes
Genetic
Nutritional deficiencies
Toxins
Compression/ trauma
Infiltration by tumor
A few of these causes are discussed below. In about 30 percent of patients, a specific cause of neuropathy cannot be found—even after an exhaustive search. These neuropathies are called idiopathic. Probably, complex metabolic and genetic factors contribute to idiopathic neuropathies.

Medical Problems
Many different medical problems lead to peripheral neuropathies. It is therefore important that physicians take a careful medical history when assessing patients for neuropathy. Medical problems that may be associated with neuropathy include: 1) metabolic diseases such as diabetes mellitus; 2) autoimmune diseases such as lupus erthymatosis; 3) organ failure; 4) endocrine (hormonal) diseases such as hypothyroidism; 5) infections such as Lyme disease, HIV, and leprosy. (Until quite recently leprosy was the leading cause of polyneuropathy in the world.)

Diabetic peripheral neuropathy is the most common polyneuropathy in the United States and the world. It is estimated that there are 15-20 million cases of diabetic polyneuropathy in the United States. Given the size of this problem, it is odd that more people do not know about it. Diabetic polyneuropathy contributes to the incidence of lower limb amputations in diabetic patients because diabetics are less likely to perceive a wound in their feet or legs.

An autoimmune disease is one in which the body’s immune system attacks body tissues. Neuropathies may occur in patients with multi-system autoimmune diseases such as lupus erythematosis in which the skin, joints, and kidneys may also be affected. Sometimes an autoimmune disease may be directed selectively against nerves. A dramatic example of this is Guillain-Barré syndrome. People who have direct experience with this type of polyneuropathy will never forget it. It is characterized by a very rapid decline in strength. Sometimes patients, though alert, become completely paralyzed and need a breathing machine. With intensive care, most patients make a good recovery. This disease has inspired more than one medical student into chosing a career in intensive care medicine or neurology!

Nutritional Deficiencies
Deficiencies of certain vitamins and minerals (including the B vitamins, vitamin E, and copper) can cause a peripheral neuropathy.
Alcoholic patients may become deficient in thiamine (a B vitamin) if they do not eat well. This deficiency is thought to contribute to alcoholic polyneuropathy.

In Western societies, B12 deficiency is the most common vitamin deficiency leading to neuropathy. When it is severe, patients may have very poor balance. Anemia is also a feature of B12 deficiency.

Genetic Neuropathies
Mutations in a number of genes (sections of DNA) may lead to a peripheral neuropathy. Sometimes, as many as 50 percent of family members have it. Sometimes only a single family member has it. Genetic neuropathies tend to present early in life and progress very slowly over time. There are certain clinical clues such as the appearance of the feet that would make a physician suspect a genetic neuropathy.

Currently there are no cures and only a few specific treatments for the genetic neuropathies. Genetic disease is a rapidly evolving part of medicine, and there is hope that better therapies are on the horizon.

Toxins
A wide array of industrial chemicals including solvents and heavy metals, including arsenic and lead, can cause neuropathy. Industrial workers who develop symptoms of a neuropathy should bring a list of their chemical exposures to their physicians.

In people who do not have significant occupational exposures to chemicals, the most likely culprit for causing a toxic neuropathy is a pharmaceutical drug. Certain chemotherapeutic drugs are notorious for causing peripheral neuropathies.

If the toxin can be identified and removed, the peripheral neuropathy typically stabilizes and then improves.

Idiopathic Peripheral Neuropathy
It is frustrating for both the patient and physician when a specific cause for a neuropathy cannot be found. Most idiopathic neuropathies progress over time, albeit very gradually. Usually sensory symptoms predominate over motor deficits (weakness). Over time, balance may be affected. Even after many years, however, many patients with idiopathic neuropathies usually do not have significant limb weakness.



HOW IS PERIPHERAL NEUROPATHY DIAGNOSED?


As with any medical problem, the proper diagnosis of a peripheral neuropathy
requires that a physician take a history and perform a physical examination. The history must include a review of any currently prescribed medications because some medications can cause a peripheral neuropathy. The physician will also inquire about any relatives that may also have similar symptoms. If they do, there is an increased chance that the patient has a genetic peripheral neuropathy.

In cases in which the cause of the neuropathy is not obvious, bloodwork and potentially an analysis of urine is necessary to help make the specific neuropathy diagnosis.
The physician may also order electrodiagnostic testing. Nerve conduction studies (NCS) require electrical stimulation of the nerves. Responses are recorded on a machine. An electromyogram (EMG) may also be ordered. This test involves the placement of fine needle electrodes into muscles. With the needle inserted, the patient is asked to move the limb. The resulting electrical activity from the muscle is then amplified and displayed for the physician. These tests are very safe but uncomfortable. Some patients do not mind the test in the least; others run for the door after the first nerve is stimulated! It is very helpful for patients to be mentally prepared beforehand that the test involves electrical stimulation and needle placement. Oral pain relievers may be taken prior to the test and do not affect the test results.


WHAT TREATMENTS ARE AVAILABLE?

Treatment for peripheral neuropathy includes:

Therapies to repair nerves
Therapies for pain relief
Therapies to improve function
Therapies to Repair Nerves
The best way to repair the nerves is to identify and treat the underlying disease process causing nerve injury.

Treatment of focal neuropathies may involve surgery to remove pressure on the nerve. Sometimes, as in the case of mild blunt trauma to the nerves, a “tincture of time” is all that is needed.

For polyneuropathies, the job of identifying the root cause of the neuropathy becomes important. To do this, your physician may order various laboratory tests. If the underlying disease can be identified and treated, the neuropathy usually stabilizes and symptoms may improve.

For example, the best way to treat a diabetic polyneuropathy is to optimize blood sugar levels. The best way to treat an alcoholic polyneuropathy is abstinence and proper nutrition. Autoimmune neuropathies may respond to steroids or intravenous immunoglobulin therapy.

When an underlying cause cannot be found (i.e., the idiopathic neuropathies) , the therapeutic options to heal the nerve are, unfortunately, limited. Studies of chemical factors and drugs that can directly regenerate nerve endings have been disappointing.

Therapies for Pain Relief
For all types of neuropathies, there are many options available to reduce pain and discomfort.

A number of drugs specifically target neuropathic pain. These medications generally affect the electrical and chemical activity of nerve fibers both in the peripheral and central nervous system. Some drugs suppress the rapid electrical discharges of nerves. Oral medications can target pain throughout the body. Unfortunately, these medications may also impair brain function, causing sleepiness or foggy thinking.

Even with aggressive management, persistent and bothersome neuropathic pain is a frequent problem. This is can be a source of tremendous frustration for neuropathy patients. Because relatives and loved ones are often not familiar with either neuropathy or neuropathic pain, patients feel additionally isolated. Pain is the most common impetus behind neuropathy patients seeking help from their physicians; it is the most common reason patients attend support groups. Without a doubt, there is an enormous need for more effective oral pain treatments that have fewer cognitive side effects.

For some patients, topical pain relieving medications are effective. These medications only have a local effect and do not get absorbed significantly into the bloodstream. Because of this, there are no cognitive side effects with these medications. The main options in this category are topical anesthetics (similar to the numbing medications given by dentists) and chili pepper extract (capsaicin). As one would imagine, the capsaicin creams cause burning sensations when applied. After repeated applications, however, neuropathic pain is mitigated. Topical medications tend to work best for neuropathies in which symptoms are restricted to small regions of the body (e.g., just the feet or toes).

An exercise program is often beneficial for alleviating chronic pain and for promoting general well being. For patients with polyneuropathy, exercises need to be chosen that limit the impact on the soles of the feet. Swimming is an excellent exercise. It is a terrific aerobic exercise that involves many muscle groups without putting much strain on the joints. Other options include bicycling. Other low impact exercises include Tai Chi and Yoga. It is recommended that you discuss an exercise program with your physician.

Other therapies aimed at pain relief include massage therapy, acupuncture, and electrical stimulation.

There are many other devices and nutritional supplements marketed to patients with neuropathic pain. A few have demonstrated benefit in clinical trials, but most of these devices and supplements are experimental. Before spending large amounts of money on any such treatment, I would recommend discussing it with your physician.

Therapies to Improve Function
If significant weakness is present, braces or splints may become necessary. In addition to helping mobility and function, these aids protect the full range of motion of joints. Without them, some neuropathies may result in joint contractures (very stiff joints).
In severe neuropathies, canes, walkers, or even wheelchairs may be necessary for patients to maintain mobility.

Neuropathy - Prevention & Curing Protocol


This Neuropathy Prevention and/or Curing Protocol is for people who are ready to take the full responsibility for their own health.

"The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it."
Chinese Proverb.

The protocol incorporates lifestyle change, and implements healthy diet, body cleansing, exercises and different traditional and natural therapies. Protocol contains links to other pages that give detail explanation for each part of this program. Please, follow the links, to fully understand all the words. Remember: There is always something that can be done! The first thing to do is to change your mood. If you are depressed, if you are unhappy, you can not be healthy. Advice: start with the Laughing cure!
Laughing provides us with the natural inner massage, and through change of mood it can account for up to 30% of cure!

The Neuropathy Cause
To understand The Neuropathy Prevention and Curing Protocol, you should first get familiar with The Neuropathy Cause
Now, I assume that you know something about what is causing Neuropathy, so we can continue with the Neuropathy program.
Neuropathy Diet
Let's start with most simple part of this program: Neuropathy diet. When it comes to diet, it is very important to avoid eating Toxins and Foods that Kill. Please follow those links and learn what are The Toxins I am talking about and what are those " Foods that Kill". Now, important part of your diet should also be Water Cure. Please, become familiar with Water Cure. Your Diet should contain: Foods That Heal, Vegetable juices, Fats that Heal, Unrefined Sea Salt. Also, try to understand food tolerance. You can not find the right Neuropathy diet, unless you fully understand and learn about food tolerance.
Take some time to implement and learn all what you have read here, and then continue reading further.
Body Cleansing (Neuropathy)
Now, let's start with body cleansing. Body cleansing is extremely important part of every prevention and curing program. You are guessing: "Dietary changes you made are also a form of cleansing." But, most people need more then this, especially when it comes to liver health. Body Cleansing is even important for children. Our internal organs can hold a lot toxins, and sometimes, it is impossible to get those toxins out, without doing cleansing. Our liver can contain hundreds of intrahepatic stones. Those stones will block bile flow, and affect the bases of your health, your digestion. Another problem are parasites. You must learn as much as possible about parasites. And, don't forget also dental toxins.
Let start with cleansing program. You are suppose to do cleansing in this order:

Bowel cleanse with parasite cleanse
Dental cleanup (if you can afford it)
Kidney Cleanse and
Liver cleanse.
Body Cleansing for Adults:
Bowel cleanse and Parasite cleanse !
Dental cleanup - dental work may be one cofactor of your disease: amalgam, root canal, nickel crowns, cavitations (pocket inside jaw bone left after extraction of the wisdom and molar teeth )
Kidney cleanse
Liver cleanse and Gallbladder cleanse -liver flush!
Make sure you visit those pages and get more info. Dental cleanup can take many years. If you have a lot of dental metal, do not rush to replace it all at once.
Bowel cleanse should be done at least once a year.
Liver cleanse is a procedure that, for best results, should be repeated at least 6 - 10 times, every 2 or 3 weeks.
Kidney cleanse is simple and cheap, many herbs can be used to cleanse kidneys. If you have no kidney stones, even Water Cure could be enough!
Body Cleansing for kids:
Parasites cleanse

Dental cleanup .. Kids older then 8 may need dental cleanup (amalgam) and liver cleanse:

Liver Cleanse - flush

Physical Activity (Neuropathy)
Physical Activity helps cleansing, it brings balance and relieves stress.
Psycho-physical activities will help you balance your body and will help you relief accumulated stress. You will have to find a form of exercise that suit you. I will just give you a few examples:
Mini Trampoline jumping - rebounding!
Meditation
Walk or jog in the nature : Forest, Mountain , river / sea / lake side, beach ... fishing, photo-safari, rowing, riding, golf, ...
Tai Chi, Chi Gong, Meditation ...
Yoga - Hatha, Meditation, Chinese Yoga ...
Martial Arts: Karate, Judo, Kung Fu, Teakwood, Budokai, Uechi, Aikido ...
Dancing, Aerobics, Gymnastics, Stretching ...
Swimming in non-chlorinated water ! ( Best in minerals rich water - Ocean ! )
Weight lifting, ....
Do not exhaust yourself !
Do not exercise with full stomach ! (You may take a walk!)
Do not hurt yourself !

Sweating (Neuropathy)
Sweating is powerful way to cleanse your body from accumulated toxins.
examples:
- exercise with a lot of clothes

- Sauna
- drink warm tea in a hot room ...
- eat CAYENNE pepper! ...
It is known that some modern industrial toxins and pesticides can leave your body only through sweat glands!

Warning: You should consult a physician as well.